We all love a royal wedding and we haven’t got long to wait for the next one either. On 29 May, Princess Beatrice’s will wed her Italian fiancé Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi at The Chapel Royal at St James’s Palace. In fact this will probably be the only royal wedding to happen this year, so we’re bringing out the fanfare.
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It was the final straw, the pointless argument that was the nail in the coffin of my disastrous on/off, mostly pen-pal friendship with David 1.0. You simply cannot call what we have been resuscitating every now and then a ‘relationship’, given we’ve not had sex since October, and then it was disappointing. The vintage physical contact took place in my lovely room at the Rosewood hotel in London, where I was staying for work. He had brought sex toys and a blindfold, so there was no skin on skin, no actual kissing, merely him rummaging, as though wanting to find Marmite in the back of a cupboard. I was not aroused. Instead I felt annoyed at the blindfold, given I could no longer admire the twinkling erotic edifice that is the London Shard.