Arguments are inevitable in most relationships and naturally, there are some phrases that are more conflict triggering than others. But according to new research, some particular words have been found to be a recipe for disaster when arguing with your partner.
Experts have revealed that the term ‘if’ is surprisingly the worst thing to say during an argument. This is because when used in sentences like ‘I’m sorry if’, the word can be seen to dismiss your partner’s grievances and implies that your apology isn’t actually genuine.
Even worse, however, is the term ‘should’ when you used in phrases such as ‘you should have thought about that in the first place’ or ‘you should know that already.’ According to the research published in Psychology Today, this is more problematic than any swear word or insult.
Jeffrey Bernstein, who conducted the research, explains why saying: ‘we tend to ‘should’ all over our partners. Even if we think we’re only doing so in the privacy of our own minds, it can come out in our tone or actions.
‘Thinking should about someone you love, or being on the receiving end of a ‘should,’ creates negative energy and, over time, can be toxic for any relationship, especially a loving one.’
He also explained that we shouldn’t even say the word in our own heads before, after or during an argument as it can create negative energy over time and ultimately lead to a toxic relationship.
Instead, Bernstein recommends rephrasing. ‘Instead of ‘you should know how I feel,’ try saying ‘I would like you to please hear me out on this’,’ he said. ‘Instead of ‘you shouldn’t bring that up,’ try saying ‘I would like to consider what you are saying. Please let me sit with it for a little while before I respond.’
Now, that may sounds pretty straight-forward in theory but we all know that things can always become slightly more tricky when you’re in a heated discussion. But we’ll definitely be taking his advice on board!