TELL TRINNY: ‘Am I wrong to confide in my daughter?’

My husband and I are going through a bad patch. I’ve been relying on my teenage daughter for support, but a couple of friends have told me that it’s not fair of me as it is her dad we’re talking about. She’s my eldest child and has a very wise head on her shoulders.
Debbie, Halifax.

Steve Schofield

The key here is that he isn’t just your husband, he’s her dad, too, and your problems with him are not hers. I appreciate that you are having a tough time, but is it right if you slant her opinion against him?

However, it is important that you have someone to talk to, and it helps if they also know him. My daughter, too, is rather wise in her teenage youth but there is a boundary I prefer not to cross: I don’t want to burden her with any guilt or make her feel that she needs to take sides. I tried hard to avoid this when I was married to her father.

You need to stop talking to your daughter and let her go back to being a kid. I don’t know why you and your husband are having problems but, corny as it is, try to remember why you fell in love. Beware of the bickering trap – griping at each other in front of people, which is awful. I’ve been in relationships where I’ve thought, ‘Am I being kind and nice to the other person? Do they know I cherish them?’ Ask yourself the same thing. Or are the problems in your marriage overwhelming the relationship?

If you feel you have run out of girlfriends to chat to, it might be worthwhile considering talking to your husband more often, perhaps with the help of a therapist (see bacp.co.uk). I once went to a retreat in the US with my former husband when we were going through a very bad patch. The week was full of surprises but, mainly, it taught me a little more about seeing things from both sides, appreciating that actions speak louder than words and that we both needed to take some action if we had a future, even as friends if not spouses.

What lipstick shade suits me best?

At 72, I’ve never found my perfect shade of lipstick. I’m pale with grey hair and grey-green eyes. Any wise words would be appreciated! Jenny, Norfolk.

I’ve come across so many women who, like you, want the joy of a bright lip, but feel
that it wears them. In my experience, women fit into three categories based on their hair, eye and skin tones: cool, medium and warm. From your photo, I’d say you’re in the first group, so I suggest pinky colours or a vibrant bougainvillea. Warm skins suit strong colours such as rust or a tomato red, while those in the medium group can wear shades from both.

Lip tricks worth knowing

  • If you have yellow teeth don’t let it dictate your shade. Wearing lipstick is about your character.
  • If you have thin lips it’s all about texture. Avoid a sticky lip and choose a shimmery gloss or sheer tint.
  • If you have lip lines always use a primer. My Miracle Blur fills them in (£25, trinnylondon.com).

My new snow-to

Lots of people opted for bright ski-chic jumpers this winter – and the trend looks set to stay. I’m hoping to hit the slopes this month and will definitely be packing a cheery poloneck.

Sweaty Betty

BLACK, £65, sweatybetty.com

perfectmoment.com

RED, £200, perfectmoment.com

And remember…

‘There is a shade of red for every woman’