TELL TRINNY: She’s not a friend, she’s a vampire!

A close friend is getting very needy. Whenever we meet, I feel as though she’s waiting to pour out her latest troubles. Her life is so dramatic – if it’s not problems with money or men, she’ll have fallen out with someone. I always feel exhausted after seeing her. I’ve known her a long time but I’m losing patience.
Ginny, Lincs.

Tell Trinny
Illustration: Vanessa Branchi

We’ve all had a friend like that – who sucks the life out of you, leaving you feeling tired and drained. You slightly dread their phone calls and put off meeting for coffee as you know what it will be like. I divide people into two categories: takers or givers and fillers. Surround yourself with givers and fillers and you’ll blossom. I have a group of wonderful old friends who, whatever is going on in their lives, have a positive outlook. Your friend sounds the opposite; her energy is negative. If she has always been like this, I’d seriously consider cutting her out of your life. It may sound harsh but she has her own path in life that you don’t need to feel pressured or guilt-tripped into sharing with her. See her less and less and she’ll get the message. When she suggests meeting, tell her, ‘Everything is so busy right now that I’ve really got to focus on family and work.’ She might feel rejected but it’s better than you saying, ‘You really get me down and I don’t want to be around you because you have this negative energy.’

If you still care about this friend and you want to save your relationship, or perhaps she’s only recently become so self-absorbed, sit her down and tell her how her behaviour has upset you – carefully phrasing it so that you’re explaining how you feel about your friendship (‘when you do this, I feel this’). For instance, ‘When I have lunch with you and all you talk about is yourself, it makes me feel as though you’re not interested in me and it makes me want to spend less time with you.’ If she responds by attacking you, let the friendship go. But she may open up about a deeper issue that she’s been reluctant to talk about, which could be at the root of her behaviour.

It’s nice to be the person who can help an old friend. Sadly, though, we can’t help everyone.

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Vintner’s Daughter Active Treatment Essence is a break-the-bank product that I didn’t know how much I needed until I tried it. It brings an amazing healthy light to my complexion.

 

 

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Help – I don’t know how to dress my mum-tum

I’m 36 with a slim build but since having my two sons my chest has reduced and my stomach has become quite pronounced – I’ve even been asked if I’m pregnant! I need some style advice.
Ann-Marie, Dublin

Almost every mother experiences changes in their shape, but there are some style tips and tricks that can help.

  • When you want to wear something fitted with confidence, I’m a big fan of Heist High Waist shapewear pants.
  • A great bra can make your stomach look flatter. Your breasts have changed, so arrange a bra fitting. If you are a C-cup or bigger, try Attollo Lingerie (attollolingerie.com), which I love. Their bras have deep bands that help support the chest and flatten the stomach at the same time.
  • If you’re really loyal to your skinny jeans, wear a long top teamed with a long necklace that will fall in the centre of your chest, and finish with a fitted jacket. This black Zara one-button number is a lifesaver. It gives the appearance of a waist and is the best solution for women who don’t want to draw attention to the stomach.

 

 

Shapewear, £55, heist-studios.com

 

Top, £48, ALC, theoutnet.com

 

Zara

Jacket, £59.99, zara.com

 

Necklace, £19, cosstores.com

To contact Trinny, email TellTrinny@you.co.uk. For more on Trinny, go to trinnylondon.com