Modern life, a glossary: The words that will help you navigate 21st-century dilemmas

The words that will help you navigate 21st-century dilemmas, as coined by Michael Hogan.

AVOCA-D’OH

An exclamation of annoyance when you realise that the avocado you bought is either rock hard or has turned to inedible mush.

BACKTRACTIVE

Someone you fancy from the rear view only.

BREXHAUSTION

Sudden feeling of fatigue whenever anyone mentions Brexit.

BUMBLEBRAGGING

Being falsely modest with the actual intention of boasting about one’s success on a dating app such as Bumble or Tinder.

CARCOLEPSY

A condition where the passenger falls asleep as soon as the car starts moving.

CELLFISH

Being glued to your mobile in the presence of other people.

CHOREPLAY

Domestic tasks, such as emptying the dishwasher or taking out the bins, as a prelude to sex.

CYBERCHONDRIA

Googling your health symptoms and becoming convinced you’ve got a fatal disease.

DINFLUENCER

Someone on social media who influences what you cook for dinner.

FLOORDROBE

The no-effort storage method which involves simply dropping clothes on the bedroom floor.

GARDENFREUDE

Pleasure derived by someone from another person’s horticultural misfortune.

GASTROPUB-ENTERITIS

A gastric flu-like illness caused by overindulgence.

GRAMXIETY

Being bothered by someone’s poor grammar and spelling in texts or online.

HIBERDATING

When someone ignores their friends as soon as they begin a new relationship.

OBLICATION
A holiday you feel duty-bound to go on, such as a hen do or relative’s milestone birthday.

OTTOLENGTHY

A recipe with an annoyingly fiddly list of ingredients, such as those by chef Yotam Ottolenghi.

PANICDOTE

When you become nervous and fluff the retelling of a funny incident.

Michael hogan modern life glossary
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PILATTES

Giving your exercise class a swerve and going for a coffee instead.

SNOREGASM

Sigh of euphoria when climbing into bed at the end of a very long day.

SOFALISING

The joyfully low-maintenance activity of using smartphones and laptops to socialise without leaving the couch.

TEXTPECTATION

The tingly anticipation of waiting for a response to a text message.

VAGAN

Someone who is vaguely vegan but can’t fully commit.

WHINE FLU

When a man has a sniffly cold but acts like it’s a seriously debilitating virus.

YAYSOS

The sheer relief of online fashion purchases arriving in time for the occasion you’d bought them for – as opposed to ‘Nowaysos’ when they don’t, inspired by the name of online retailer Asos.