Ho-ho home: spoil your space with interiors editor Nicole Gray’s slick ideas for homeware gifts.
Scented diffuser, £32, chaseandwonder.com
Dessert plates, £220 for six, ladoublej.com
Wireless charging pad, around £137, staycourant.com
Trinket dish, £10, rockettstgeorge.co.uk
Hand-painted table lamp, £180, cressidabell.co.uk
Cocktail sticks, £60 for six, amara.com
Bookends, £30, oliverbonas.com
Framed wall art, £65, oliverbonas.com
Pocket crystals, £29, missoma.com
Cushion, £110, sohohome.com
Vase, £44.99, Jonathan Adler x hm.com
Plant subscription service, £35 per month (includes ceramic pot and care card), bloomboxclub.com
Matches, £6, archivistgallery.com
Weather forecasting clock with personalised face, £450, bramwellbrown.com
Coffee maker, from £499, Dolce & Gabbana x smeg.com
Cushion, £165, houseofhackney.com
Candle, £53, diptyqueparis.com
Teacups, £187 for two, Luke Edward Hall, libertylondon.com
![Sabrina Ghayour pizzettesded to a work meeting in Brooklyn. I was due to discuss a programme of musical collaborations in a new venue and I was brimming with ideas. My husband James took our two sons, aged five and one, to the Liberty science museum. We planned to meet that afternoon. I kissed the boys and remember waiting for the lift, saying goodbye. We parted ways. It was a beautiful, freezing winter’s morning. Once there, I was shown around. Excited about our proposed concert and interview series, I took photos and texted them to my producer. My meeting was just wrapping up when I tried to say something. My speech started slurring. I was instantly aware something was terribly wrong. My mouth was not cooperating. I tried to speak again – the words were clear in my brain but came out as gobbledygook. I was terrified. Then suddenly the world went dark. I came round in a hospital bed 17 days later, half of my skull missing, and I had no idea where I was or what had happened. At first I thought I was dreaming but, when I tried to speak, I still couldn’t produce the words. It felt like a living nightmare. I later learned what happened. I was taken to the Brooklyn Hospital Centre, where an emergency scan revealed a bleed in my left frontal lobe, and transferred to Mount Sinai West hospital. I was having a massive brain haemorrhage caused by an arteriovenous malformation (AVM) – a tangle of abnormal blood vessels connecting arteries and veins. An AVM, which is rare, is something you’re born with. Most people are oblivious to the condition – I certainly was. And a bleed is even rarer: fewer than two to four per cent haemorrhage. In most cases, an AVM is only discovered through a severe rupture that can often be fatal. At Mount Sinai West the swift action of a heroic medical team, led by expert neurosurgeon Dr Christopher Kellner, saved my life. But my family and friends were told to ‘I REPEATED “I CHOOSE LIFE” OVER AND OVER. IT BECAME A MANTRA’ First person A with neurosurgeon Dr Kellner in march aFter surgery the after-effects lasted at least 12 weeks. All patients were confined to their rooms. Therapy ceased except for basic sessions, which were delivered in hazmat suits. A first principle of speech therapy is that the patient has to copy the shapes the therapist makes with their lips and tongue. Tricky, if you’re both wearing masks. That said, on 10 April, thanks to remarkable staff, I walked out of hospital unaided. It was Good Friday. Outside, on East 17th Street, I remember hearing a taxi honk – the most miraculous thing I’d ever heard. It was an incredible moment, like starting again. I am now trying hard to learn the true meaning of patience. I fail every day but I keep trying. I can walk (slowly) in the park or along the Hudson river. I can play (simple) Lego with my kids. I can tell them I love them (constantly). I can read (again, slowly). I can see (apart from a tiny spot in my right peripheral vision). I can partly move my right side again. My old violin teacher Rodney has been showing me how to hold my bow again: I have almost no sensation, yet I can feel it, like a phantom muscle memory. Meanwhile, my friend Nicky is helping me play by bowing for me while I do the left hand: the first time we tried, I wept like a baby. (I have always believed in the life-altering power of music; now I know.) I am as curious and thirsty for knowledge as ever. My brain is buzzing. I am altogether and entirely me, albeit with a shaved head which I hate, even if my friends insist it’s ‘chic’. (It’s not.) Most miraculous of all, I’m learning to talk again. Hair grows back. Sentences are formed. Progress is real. I’m aware that I’ve been so, so lucky. The AVM is still there – Dr Kellner and his team are treating it with radiotherapy – and there is a long road ahead. But it is a salutary reminder to live every day to its fullest. Life is a miracle. I am so grateful that, because of the exceptional medical care I was privileged to have access to, I survived. At my darkest points the despair felt acute, unbearable. Being unable to speak felt like a kind of solitary confinement. Even though I was surrounded by friends and family, I felt entirely alone. Lacking the forbearance to tell myself ‘this too shall pass’, I simply repeated ‘I choose life’, over and over. It became a mantra. (What can I say? I belong to the Trainspotting generation.) And I do choose life. Every day. I choose life in all its complexity; aware of its beauty, its pain, its hope, its fragility, its love. Life, I believe, is a gift of unimaginable proportions. I don’t know what the future holds – for me or the world – but I have faith in the extraordinary power of humanity. I am thankful that I can say this. I am full of love. I am full of hope. I choose life. Follow clemency on instagram and twitter @clemencybh, and find her podcasts The Open Ears Project and the award-winning Classical Fix at the usual sources. her latest book Year of Wonder: Classical Music for Every Day is published by headline with husbanD James roscoe in their local parK in June Mat thew SeptiMuS/New York public radio CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 auguSt 2020 you.co.uK 25 food d e l i c i o u s , e f f o r t l e s s , s h o w s t o p p i n g r e c i p e s Quick-fix suppers with a Middle Eastern flavour by acclaimed chef Sabrina Ghayour pull out and keep Simply Spice it up! hot off the hob or brilliant on the bbQ: turmeric chicken kebabs, page 29 I came up with these when I needed to use up some mozzarella and I resorted to raiding my spice rack. It’s a marriage of the Lebanese mana’eesh (za’atar-rubbed breads) and the humble Italian pizza, but ultimately very different to both of them. These are stupidly simple and surprisingly delicious – my two favourite qualities in a good recipe. Makes 4 4 mini tortilla wraps olive oil, for drizzling 2 heaped tsp za’atar spice mix 150g ball of mozzarella (not buffalo mozzarella), torn into 1cm pieces 12 kalamata olives, pitted and sliced 2 tomatoes, cut into 1cm dice Maldon sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper H Preheat your oven to its highest setting (with fan if it has one). Line a large baking tray with baking paper. H Place the tortilla wraps on the prepared baking tray and drizzle with just enough olive oil so that when you rub it in it coats the whole wrap. Divide the za’atar between the tortillas, reserving a little for seasoning the topping, then divide the cheese, olives and tomatoes between them. H Season with salt and pepper and the remaining za’atar, then bake for 4-5 minutes until the cheese has melted. Serve immediately. M oz z a r e l l a , o l i v e a n d z a’ata r P i z z e t t e s s low- c o o k e d b u t t e r b e a n s w i t h o r e ga n o, to M ato e s & ga r l i c I am a recent convert to dried beans and sometimes they really are worth the extra time. I like a little bite in my beans, which canned beans lack, so this garlicky, sauce-laden baked delight is one example where your time is well spent. It’s hearty but not heavy; rich – only in a really good way – and ideal for sharing. serves 4-6 250g dried butter beans 250g baby plum tomatoes, halved 4-6 garlic cloves, peeled and bashed but kept whole generous handful of fresh oregano, roughly chopped 1 heaped tbsp tomato purée 2 tsp dried oregano 1 tsp chilli flakes 50g butter 4 tbsp olive oil about 700ml cold water generous amount of Maldon sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper crusty bread, to serve (optional) H Soak the butter beans in cold water for 8-10 hours or overnight, then drain. H Preheat the oven to 180C/160C fan/gas 4. H Select a rectangular ovenproof dish, about 32cm x 24cm. Add all the ingredients, except the water, to the dish and mix together well, then pour over the cold water, or enough to ensure the beans are immersed. H Bake for 2 hours until the beans are completely soft, checking after 1½ hours and topping up the water if necessary. Serve hot, with crusty bread if liked. CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 28 you.co.uk 16 August 2020 you food ServeS 4-6 4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (about 650g total weight) sweet chilli sauce, to serve for the marinade 5cm piece of fresh turmeric, scrubbed and finely grated 1 tbsp garlic granules finely grated zest and juice of 1 unwaxed lime 2 tbsp natural yogurt 1 generous tbsp clear honey 1 tbsp olive oil Maldon sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper H Put all the ingredients for the marinade into a plastic food container and mix together. H Cut each chicken breast lengthways into 3 equal long strips. Add to the marinade in the food container and seal with the lid. H Shake well to coat the chicken in the marinade then leave in the refrigerator for 30 minutes to 1 hour, or overnight if liked. H Thread each strip of marinated chicken on to a small wooden or metal skewer. Cook in a griddle pan over a high heat for 3-4 minutes on each side or until nicely browned and cooked through. H Alternatively, preheat your oven to its highest setting (with fan if it has one). Line a large baking tray with baking paper. Lay the kebabs on the prepared tray then bake for 10-12 minutes or until cooked through. Serve immediately with sweet chilli sauce. tiP You can also cook these over a barbecue. If using wooden skewers, soak them in water for 30 minutes before using. Cook over a medium-low heat for 5-6 minutes on each side until nicely browned and cooked through. T u r m e r i c c h i c k e n k e ba b s Turmeric really is the key ingredient in this fragrant chicken marinade, which is paired with the vibrant citrus zing of lime and the sweet, rounded finish of honey. These kebabs can be cooked either on the hob, in the oven or on a barbecue (see Tip), and are so versatile they can be served with wraps, rice, fries or just on their own. CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK you.co.uk 29 Rough 16 August 2020 Yo g u rt & sp i c e roas t ed sa l m o n I love to cook salmon in the oven. It’s lazy, quick, works really well and you don’t need any oil as salmon is naturally fatty and delicious. These little salmon bites are something I’ve made time and time again, and this method of roasting them at a high temperature ensures you get a little charring on the outside yet perfectly cooked salmon on the inside. Leftovers also make a great addition to your lunchbox the next day. ServeS 4 500g skinless salmon fillet, cut into 4cm cubes For the marinade 4 tbsp greek yogurt 1 tbsp garlic granules 1 heaped tbsp rose harissa 1 tsp ground turmeric 1 tsp paprika finely grated zest of 1 unwaxed lime and a good squeeze of juice 1 tsp olive oil generous amount of Maldon sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper to Serve tortilla wraps sliced tomatoes finely sliced onion coriander leaves greek yogurt H Preheat your oven to its highest setting (with fan if it has one). Line a baking tray with baking paper. H Mix all the marinade ingredients together in a mixing bowl. Add the salmon and turn until well coated in the marinade. H Spread the salmon out on the prepared baking tray and roast for 10 minutes until cooked through. Remove from the oven and serve immediately with the tortilla wraps, tomatoes, onion, coriander leaves and greek yogurt. CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 30 you.co.uk 16 August 2020 S p i c e - ru b b e d S patc h c o c k e d p o uS S i n The joy of a poussin is that it cooks in half the time of a normal-sized chicken. Spatchcocking a poussin reduces the cooking time further still and makes for a wonderful, evenly cooked bird with lovely crisp skin and juicy, tender meat. If that’s not fast food, then I don’t know what is. ServeS 2-4 2 poussins For the marinade 2 garlic cloves, minced 2 tbsp dried marjoram 1 tbsp coriander seeds, toasted and ground (see Tip) 1 tsp chilli flakes 1 tsp ground black pepper 3 tbsp olive oil juice of ½ lemon Maldon sea salt flakes to Serve bread rocket salad H Line a baking tray with baking paper. H To spatchcock the poussins, place each bird in turn breast side down on a chopping board. Using a good pair of kitchen scissors, cut down either side of the backbone then remove the bone. Lay breast side up on the prepared tray and gently press down on each bird with both hands until it is as flat as possible. H Mix all the marinade ingredients together in a small bowl or jug, then pour over the poussins and rub in all over. Cover the tray with clingfilm and leave to marinate in the refrigerator for 1 hour, or overnight, if liked. H Preheat the oven to 220C/200C fan/gas 7. H Roast the birds for about 30 minutes or until cooked through and nicely browned with crispy skin – the juices should run clear when the thickest part of the meat is pierced with the tip of a sharp knife. Remove from the oven and leave to rest for 10 minutes before serving with the bread and a rocket salad. tiP To toast spices, heat a dry frying pan over a medium heat and add the spices. Shake the pan for a minute or so until the spices release their aroma. Transfer the toasted seeds to a pestle and mortar and grind to a coarse powder. b e e t ro ot & fe ta lat t i c e It’s no secret that I always keep vacuum-packed cooked beetroot and feta cheese in my refrigerator at all times. They have saved me from going hungry on many occasions and are actually rather wonderful paired together, especially in salads. But sometimes you want something warm and comforting. That perfect balance of a sweet, salty and creamy filling encased in puff pastry is comfort food personified. Hot or cold, side dish or main, it’s a winner. ServeS 4-6 400g vacuum-packed cooked beetroot in natural juice (or peeled, cooked whole fresh beetroot) 1 heaped tsp dried wild oregano 1 tsp chilli flakes 300g vegetarian feta cheese 320g ready-rolled all-butter puff pastry sheet beaten egg, to glaze freshly ground black pepper H Preheat the oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Line a baking tray with baking paper. H Coarsely grate the beetroot. Place in a sieve and squeeze out as much of the juices as you can without mashing it. Tip it into a mixing bowl with the oregano, chilli flakes and a generous amount of pepper, then loosely crumble in the feta and give everything a good mix. H Cut the pastry sheet in half lengthways to form 2 long rectangles (one for the base of the lattice and one for the top). Lay the pastry base on the prepared baking tray and spoon the filling along its length, then use your hands to neatly pack and compress the filling into a sausage shape, leaving a 1cm border of pastry. H Take the pastry top and make a serieElizabeth Day meets The double oscar winner who disappeared Hilary Swank 1 6 Au g u st 202 0 RoRuoguhgh5 CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK I’ll never forget sitting at a fashion show in Paris some years ago and watching, with a mix of rapture and envy, as the editor of French Vogue Emmanuelle Alt sauntered in to take her front-row seat. In the midst of an absolute circus of an audience – in which I include myself – of patterned mini dresses, kaleidoscopic hair colours, varying heights of crazy-looking heels, she drew all eyes to her and do you know what she was wearing? Skinny black jeans, a black T-shirt and a black blazer. Her accessories were a phone and a necklace. Her long black hair was barely brushed. She wore no (at least detectable) make-up. A Parisian straight out of central casting if ever there was one and the most naturally glamorous being I had ever seen. As if that wasn’t envy-inducing enough, she was holding the hand of her daughter, I’d guess aged six. She wore dark-blue skinny jeans, an artfully slouchy white button-up shirt and white high-top Converse trainers. So grown-up. So chic. As I watched this quintessentially French pair take their seats, I nearly collapsed giggling to myself because it’s quite something to have spent a fortune on ‘front-row worthy’ clothes (a mauve suit, I recall) and still feel you’ve come up short next to a child. Then I remembered that earlier that morning my nanny had texted me a picture of my daughter, four, on a playdate. She was wearing a pink and purple onesie with a massive picture of Dora the Explorer on its front. The French women just have ‘it’, don’t they? The chic gene. It’s something we explore on page 36 with the author, stylist and herself a glamorous French woman Aloïs Guinut. But I want to stick up for this less glamorous side of the Channel for a moment. I think the French school of thought slightly wants people to fear fashion, whereas the British sensibility is to have fun with it. That’s what I try to do most days. Fashion should be fun, experimental and expressing who you are – quirks and all. What would global fashion be without the British gifts of movements such as punk, mod and new romantic? It’s those eras that lit a flame in me and spawned my longing to fly my Australian nest and get to this side of the world. The colour and chaos of Britain’s contributions to fashion is what made this the country I just had to experience. Not France. I’ll also wager that, on that day of Paris Fashion Week, my naff-looking Dora the Explorer-clad kid daughter probably had more fun than the stylish little mini-me traipsing round the adult world of fashion shows. Don’t get me wrong, I love the French aesthetic. And it’s reassuring to have their style playbook in your box of tricks. Praise be for the frazzled mornings where, actually, some black trousers and a stripy top can be all you need to fool the world that you’re in control. But, frankly, I just can’t help falling in love with colour, crazy patterns and crops. Furthermore, if I didn’t wear my ‘silly’ jumpsuit-dominated wardrobe, I fear I would be depriving my husband of about 80 per cent of his weekly belly laughs. I’ll never be elegant but I’ll never be boring either. A few things I’m coveting this week Buy now, wear for ever Shirt, £195, yaitte.com Such a happy, summery trinket Bracelet, £39, Anni Lu, couvertureandthegarbstore.com Recycled plastic has never looked so lovely Bag, £60, noblemacmillan.com C’est chic? I’m more le freak e d i to r’s p i c ks EDITOR’S LETTER @jo_elvin @ editor@you.co.uk @jo_elvin J O E LV I N H 1 6 A u g u S t 2 0 2 0 Our fabulous weekly newsletter brings you more of what you love, plus exclusive treats and offers. Sign up now at you.co.uk/youmail Get more YOU time with Editor Jo Elvin Deputy editor Lindsay Frankel Creative director Natasha tomalin-Hall Editorial assistant Charlotte Vossen FASHION Fashion director Shelly Vella Fashion bookings director Lucy Coghlan Senior stylist Sophie Dearden Senior fashion assistant Joanne toolan Fashion assistant Stephanie Sofokleous Fashion junior Chloe gallacher BEAuty Beauty director Edwina Ings-Chambers Beauty assistant Alice Robertson FEAtuRES Features director Joanna Bridger Entertainment director Kelly Allen Commissioning editor Miranda thompson Books editor Natasha Poliszczuk FOOD Associate editor (food) Angela Mason LIFEStyLE Interiors editor Nicole gray Interiors coordinator Charlotte Page ARt Art director (print and digital) Chloe Sharp Deputy art editor Elena Christoforou Senior designer Ellie Allen-Eslor Designer Amy Hanbidge Production manager Mark McDonald PICtuRES Picture director Ester Malloy Deputy picture editor Luisa Avietti COPy Chief sub editor Cath Sheargold Deputy chief sub editor Emerson Rogers Sub editors Maria Realf, Kirsty Hislop, Leo Walstow, Caroline McQuillan CONtRIButORS Susan Henderson, Ashleigh Page (copy) DIgItAL Digital editor Eleanor Jones Social media editor georgia Shepheard Digital content editor georgia green YOU, Northcliffe House, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TS, switchboard: 020 3615 0000 Cover photograph: Jake Chessum TRUNK ARCHIVE CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK elizabeth day Like many of us, almost as soon as lockdown restrictions eased, I booked in for a haircut. My hair had grown to such an extent that it was 95 per cent split ends and the remaining five per cent consisted of undyed roots. Greys were springing up in unexpected directions like the girl in my primary school whose arm would strain out of her socket in her desperation to show she knew the answer to every question. I felt I was slowly going to seed and although this feeling wasn’t unpleasurable, I knew that my hair required a trim for social acceptability and follicular health. I emerged from the salon refreshed, three inches lighter. My hairdresser, Olivia, was wearing full PPE, with a space-age plastic visor and we didn’t hug as we usually would but otherwise it was a very satisfying couple of hours. It’s taken a long time to meet my perfect hairdresser, but finally I have managed it: Olivia is great to chat to (but not too chatty), knows what I want before I put it into words and really listens to me. It hasn’t always been this way. Many moons ago, when I was 19 and on my gap year in South Africa, I decided to benefit from the healthy exchange rate and splash out on a posh haircut. Until that point, my mother had cut my hair. I decided that now I was technically a grown-up, I should experience a professional hair salon. I was living in Cape Town, and I went to one that my landlady recommended. I had a long-ish bob that I decided I wanted styled to resemble Natalie Imbruglia’s haircut in the music video for ‘Torn’ (this was 1998, after all). The problem was that when I showed my ripped-out magazine reference photo to the hairdresser, he barely looked at it and I was too intimidated to say anything. He started cutting my hair. And cutting and cutting and cutting. Instead of the gentle feathering and soft edges of Natalie Imbruglia, I was being given a close-cropped hairdo reminiscent of GI Jane crossed with my former games teacher. I could see it happening and I was too shy to say anything. He knows what he’s doing, I thought, he’s working in one of the top salons in the city! Who am I to question his magical ways? The hairdresser then decided I needed blonde highlights (like I say, it was 1998). By the end, I was stunned into silence. I looked like the least attractive member of a boy band – the one who stands at the back pretending to play the keyboards because he can’t dance. I was so shocked that I didn’t feel I could complain, so I handed over the cash and walked outside. Years later, I told this story to my friend Naomi. ‘Oh,’ she said knowledgeably. ‘You had a non-consensual haircut.’ She explained that a non-consensual haircut was where the hairdresser, in a position of power, would gradually test the boundaries of what you, as the client, would accept in order to create what they thought was the best style, rather than what you actually wanted. This was exactly what had happened: I hadn’t felt confident enough to express myself and, assuming that he knew best, I had found myself wanting to please the hairdresser at the cost of my happiness – even if that meant living with a haircut I didn’t like for years while it grew out. It took me a long time to find my voice as a woman and to be able to use it. A hairdresser might seem a trivial example, but that salutary experience taught me a lot about speaking out, especially when you are not being listened to. After all, hair is never just hair. As Fleabag says after her sister has been given an unflattering asymmetrical bob in season two of the hit series: ‘Hair is everything.’ Portrait: JEnny Brough. hair: FaBio noguEira . MakE-uP: ruBy haMMEr. St yling: holly ElgEti. BlouSE, liSou. trouSErS, rol and MourEt. JE wEllEry, alighiEri t e l l s i t l i k e i t i s He barely glanced at tHe pHoto and started cutting and cutting Reading A Dutiful Boy by Mohsin Zaidi, an incredibly moving memoir about one gay Muslim man’s journey to acceptance. shielding with the Reiss reusable four-layered fabric face mask in navy. Every time I wear it, I get asked where it’s from. CelebRating after finally finding the perfect jeans from American brand Midheaven Denim – specifically designed for taller women. t h i s w e e k i ’ m … When a bad haircut is a brilliant life lesson Standby CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 auguSt 2020 you.Co.uk 7 A lemony linen cover-up for beachside glamour and relaxed sightseeing Playsuit, £68, and sandals, £54, freepeople.com/uk Wear with flipflops or a mid heel Dress, £199, Devotion, beachcafe.com Light as a feather and super chic Sunglasses, £129, Silhouette, pretavoir.co.uk Big enough to fill with market delights Bag, £48, anthropologie.com When life gives you lemons. The chic sort Pyjamas, £180, yolke.com A sliver of a slide to slip into your suitcase Sandals, £15, direct.asda.com Classic hoops to go with anything Earrings, £8.99, reserved.com Take the plunge with this graphic-print one-piece Swimsuit, £20, debenhams.com Minimal packing space, maximum poolside cool Shorts, £34.95, gap.co.uk you will love… … fa S h i o n D i r E c t o r S h E l ly V E l l a’ S g E taway g o -t o S CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 8 you.co.uk 16 August 2020 Clean, green and your perfect beachside companion Sunscreen, £32, renskincare.com It’s a keeper, sun-drenched in 18-carat gold vermeil Necklace, £245, stellar-79.com A little bohemian topping for the evening; just add jeans Blouse, £90, sezane.com Perfect sky and sea shades Sustainable beach towel, £30, anaskela.com Deservedly the most awarded gin Hernö juniper cask gin, £57.83, masterofmalt.com An easy washed-out style for cooler nights by the coast Jeans, £110, reiss.com Bringing the sunshine to the surf Bikini top, £74, and bottoms, £60, freepeople.com/uk A ray of sunshine for balmy evenings by the bar Maxi dress, £24, next.co.uk New Balance runners for to-ing and fro-ing on your holiday Trainers, £90, schuh.co.uk Easily identifiable when we’re back scouring the carousels Suitcase, £189, Joules, johnlewis.com Dress your ankles in nine-carat gold Anklet, £375, Louise Redknapp x roxannefirst.com A cruelty-free scent of summer for your home from home Candle, £35, shayandblue.com CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 August 2020 you.Co.uk 9 Power up your shower… So I’ve been ramping things up on the old self-care routine at home lately and injecting some real spa power into my shower time. I have, as you can likely imagine, been aided and abetted in this cause by a raft of body products that have recently launched. All those I’ve included here help to elevate things and turn a morning wash into a bit of a treat. I’ll start with scrubs and the Soul Providers range from Beauty Pie which includes the Re-Energizing Dry Oil Sugar Scrub (£7.95 for members, otherwise £50, beautypie.com). This really is such a luxurious formula – packed with plenty of oils (sweet almond, apricot kernel and evening primrose) as well as demerara sugar – that, even though you’re doing all the application and work yourself, it feels almost like being transported to a plush treatment table. And it has a refreshing zingy aroma, too – thanks to lemon, lemongrass and Indian gooseberry. Acqua di Parma is always a sophisticated option and this summer it’s had a chic overhaul with limited-edition packaging in collaboration with La DoubleJ, an Italian fashion and lifestyle brand inspired by vintage prints. Alongside that, the brand has introduced new products to its Blu Mediterraneo range, including Blu Mediterraneo Arancia di Capri Body Scrub (£50) and Blu Mediterraneo Arancia di Capri Shower Mousse (£37, acquadiparma.com). The scrub, which deploys sugar grains, jojoba seeds and orange peel to do the heavy work, feels weightless and gentle but is very effective. The mousse is a light-as-air texture and an absolute treat to use. Both, of course, have the signature aroma of orange, lemon and mandarin. Batch #001 is a new favourite of mine for all things bathroom-related, and its new Salt & Oil Body Scrub (£42, batch001.com) is no exception. I especially love the Organic Sweet Orange and Bergamot version. With a mix of pink Himalayan and Dead Sea salts to scrub, plus apricot kernel oil and shea butter to moisturise, these leave skin looking and feeling great. Truly pleasurable stuff. Goldfaden MD has also expanded into body care with a dedicated version of its already cult facial dermabrasion scrub. The resulting Doctor’s Body Scrub (£75, spacenk.com) has a very fine texture, thanks to its tiny crystals, which makes it seem more like a polish than a scrub, feeling slightly gentler to use. It also has fruit enzymes to brighten skin and a probiotic extract to soothe so it’s a bit more fancy pants. For a fun alternative you could try & Other Stories which has just expanded its popular Perle de Coco range (with a very escapist aroma of coconut, vanilla and caramel) by adding some limited-edition products for summer including a Perle de Coco Glow Body Scrub (£11, stories.com). But essentially all roads lead to Rome here, it’s just a matter of personal preference as to the route you take. I must also mention the new Wild Rose range from Neal’s Yard Remedies which is all about body care (and, yes, it includes a lovely polish) and smells wonderful. I’d like to highlight the Wild Rose Shower Oil (£25, nealsyardremedies.com), partly because it’s lovely to use (as soon as water is added the oil formula emulsifies into a light creamy foam) but also because it heads up a burgeoning trend as shower oils seem to be launching almost daily at the moment and this is a very fine offering. …and elevate your morning routine with these supercharged body treats These will all turn a routine wash into a spa-style treat Beaut y assistant: alice RoBeRtson. MaRcus ohlsson/tRunkaRchive edwina ings-chambers o u r b e a u t y d i r e c t o r ’ s h e ro b u y s CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 10 you.co.uk 16 august 2020 Beaut y assistant: alice RoBeRtson. MaRcus ohlsson/tRunkaRchive My glow-to body oil Continuing on a body theme, I’d like to rave about the Kora Organics Noni Glow Body Oil (£52, spacenk.com). This is a really moisturising, hydrating oil but it’s also lightweight in texture so absorbs quickly. Plus it leaves skin with a wonderful sheen, making it especially great for warmer weather and any time when limbs are on show. after the sun, the soother I wrote about my favourite sunscreen two weeks ago (find more at you.co.uk). But a good aftersun is also important in your routine and for that I’d direct you to Tropic Sun Soothe Cooling Aftersun Lotion (£22, tropicskincare.com). It contains aloe vera to soothe, calm and cool skin with jojoba to nourish. Plus it’s a great light texture, instantly absorbs and has a mood-boosting marine aroma. spot-on for breakouts Worried about body breakouts? A spotty derrière, back or other such hard-to-reach place? Well, Murad has thought of that with its Clarifying Body Spray (£36, murad.co.uk). It uses glycolic and salicylic acid (also used in face care to gently exfoliate and clear up blemishes) and comes in a bottle with a 360-degree nozzle for easy application. CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 august 2020 you.co.uk 11 … c l a s h y o u r p r i n t s . J o a n n e t o o l a n e x p l a i n s h ow yes you can... pick ou t the same tones while changing the size of the dots rom polka dots to florals, prints are where it’s at this season – piled on and played with. That’s right, mixing up your prints is the way to wear them and here are some pointers for getting the right tension between patterns and proportions… Mixing vertical with horizontal stripes looks chic (you can even change up the colours – keep to a basic monochrome but add in a classic red or navy blue). With polka dots your easy go-to is to pair larger spots with smaller ones – preferably on your top half – and, if you’re feeling brave, switch up the colours. The same applies to tartans and windowpane checks: keep things tonal but have fun pairing different sizes. When mixing up your florals, pick a colour to tie the two prints together and play with the size of blooms. Fashion has long been advocating a mixed floral on summer dresses and it feels much fresher than a simple ditsy print. If you need inspiration, look to the likes of designers such as Preen and Rixo. F when cl ashing flor al s, opt for the same base colour in both prints – this will tie the lo ok to ge ther Earrings, £25, cosstores.com Blouse, £175, Equipment, theoutnet.com Skirt, £59.99, mango.com Bag, £215, russellandbromley.co.uk Sandals, £29.99, zara.com Blouse, £185, rixo.co.uk Skirt, £188, Nicholas, theoutnet.com Sandals, £49, charleskeith.co.uk spot the difference with clashing colours and similar prints the st yle stalker , frenchy st yle/bl aublut-edition.com, acielle/st yledumonde.com one dress, four prints: toning colours pull this together size matters here: keep small checks up top for a flattering mix Rough 1 CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 august 2020 you.co.uk 13 Back to Black It’s the classic we always return to, because an LBD will never let you down fashion direc tor: shelly vell a photo gr aphs: elizabe th gibson CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 14 you.co.uk 16 August 2020 fashion Opposite page Ultra flattering, the tuxedo wrap dress is a chic choice when the code is black tie Dress, £480, frame-store.com. necklace, £665, roxannefirst.com. shoes, £595, jenniferchamandi.com This page statement accessories add drama to a simple dress, while ruffled sleeves are the modern alternative to a strapless number Dress, £302, Edeline Lee, from fenwick stores. headband, £190, redvalentino.com. Earrings, £120, oliviaandpearl.com Rough CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK This page Channel Holly Golightly in this simple, go-anywhere LBD Dress, £49.99, zara.com. Shoes, £550, jenniferchamandi.com Opposite page Layers of lace and ruffles give a classic black dress a youthful spin. If you like a shorter hem, keep the neckline demure Dress, £39.99, Sandra Mansour x H&M, hm.com. Earring, £380 for one, sweetpeajewellery.com CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK hRoug Rough CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Opposite page Statement sleeves are set to stay – just make sure the proportions work with your figure. Nipped-in waists and shorter hem lengths keep the look fresh Dress, £120, gestuz.com. Earrings, £2,160, sweetpeajewellery.com. Boots, £150, boden.co.uk This page A sliver of silk satin makes the perfect column dress – understated, it can be accessorised up or down depending on the event Dress, £245, joseph-fashion.com. Left earring, £405 for one, right earring, £472.50 for one, sweetpeajewellery.com Fashion assistant: Joanne Toolan Make-up: Lisa Valencia at Carol Hayes Hair: Sven Bayerbach at Carol Hayes using Kiehl’s Since 1851 Model: Barbara Maldonado at Premier Production and casting: Lucy Coghlan CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK ‘I’ve always felt like an outsider’ She made her name in Hollywood while living out of a car and has never played the fame game. Elizabeth Day meets HILARY SWANK, the double Oscar-winner who refuses to compromise her life – and loves photo gr aph: Jake Ches s um ost Hollywood stars have an entourage. They will arrive with managers and make-up artists and stylists and probably some kind of nebulous ‘best friend’ figure who sits in on the interview taking Instagram photos and a publicist who will interject when a question is deemed ‘inappropriate’. Hilary Swank is no exception. She is speaking down the line from her home in Colorado, and our conversation is peppered by interruptions from someone she introduces as Burt. ‘He won’t stop saying “Hi!”’ Hilary says, apologetically. There is a loud squawking sound. Burt, it turns out, is a parrot. It is then that I realise Hilary’s entourage is not human, but is comprised entirely of animals. ‘I rescued Burt about a year ago,’ she says. ‘He’s so funny. He keeps going “Hi! Hi!” You probably think that’s me.’ Later, she asks to pause our chat because ‘I just have to give my dog something’. Occasionally she will break off in the middle of an answer about her creative craft and say emphatically ‘Good girl!’ and I don’t think she’s talking to me. As well as Burt the parrot, she currently has four rescue dogs, who are a regular presence on her social media (the post depicting their Halloween costumes reached peak canine cuteness). It is a refreshing way to conduct an interview and it’s a glimpse into the kind of person Hilary is. You get the sense that she’d much rather stay away from the superficial glamour of Hollywood and hole up with her animal menagerie, out of the limelight. As an actress, she has always made unconventional choices: in 1999 she portrayed the murdered trans teenager Brandon Teena in the film Boys Don’t Cry – a performance so shattering that it won her the Best Actress Academy Award. Five years later, she repeated the feat with Million Dollar Baby, playing a hard-living female boxer and scooping a second Oscar at the age of 30. Now, at 46, she is back on our screens in another role that defies easy categorisation. In the new Netflix sci-fi drama Away, Hilary plays American astronaut and former navy pilot Emma Green, who is charged with commanding the first space mission to Mars. Her crew represents an array of different ethnicities, including a Chinese chemist played by Vivian Wu, a Russian engineer M Cover story Rough 1 CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK (Mark Ivanir), a Black British botanist (Ato Essandoh) and an air force fighter pilot from India (Ray Panthaki). ‘We have a lot of different races in this show and I love that,’ Hilary says. ‘It breaks down the conformities that we’ve all been living by.’ So does she deliberately choose roles that subvert traditional notions of womanhood? ‘Yes – 100 per cent,’ she replies. ‘I feel that one of the most damaging things is stereotypes. They really lead to systemic thinking and it carries on from generation to generation because we advertently, or inadvertently, pass it on to our children or our tribe – the people that we have around us. And it’s so dangerous. ‘One of the things that I feel super strongly about is that people can really do anything that they want, anything they set their mind to. And one of the most dangerous things is that people put others in compartments and say, “No, no, you don’t do that.”’ She gives the example of the four-minute mile: for years no one could break that record, but after Roger Bannister finally achieved it in 1954, ‘a slew of people were able to break the four-minute mile because they said they could’. It is, she says, one of the stories she always goes back to when she doubts if she can do something. And it’s also the way she lives her own life, never conforming to expectation, always ploughing her own furrow: she has been married twice and engaged once. Her husband is the entrepreneur Philip Schneider. She does not have children. ‘I actually do want to talk about this,’ she says when the topic comes up. ‘I feel that I’m very maternal in the people that I care for and all the sentient beings I have around me – my dogs, my horses or just the human beings. And I feel like so much of the time women who either choose not to or can’t have children are somehow seen as not maternal or not mothering and it is a conversation that needs to be had, because… I’ve heard a lot of women say that they’ve been told, “Oh, you’re kind of a failure.” Or, you know, “Didn’t you come here to procreate?” There are so many different ways to procreate! ‘Any type of mothering, any type of nurturing, is being a mother. I have a lot of children around me [through] exes who I was with for many years. For a long while I was with a man who had a son [her former agent John Campisi] and I helped raise him. And then after that there was a bunch of kids and I have tons of nieces and nephews.’ The character of Emma Green is a mother who is not defined solely by her parenthood. Her job is also her passion. She is a leader who is calm in a crisis while at the same time being unafraid to show her vulnerability: when she doesn’t know something, she asks for help and when her husband is taken ill back on earth, we see her crying (albeit in private). ‘I would probably be speaking for a lot of women when I say that there was a long time where people were told, “Oh, they’re too vulnerable or they’re too weak to be a leader” [but] vulnerability is the great connector because everyone feels vulnerable,’ Hilary says. ‘Emma Green is vulnerable in that she feels all these lives are her responsibility, right? And she doesn’t believe that she has the answer… We can’t know everything. The goal is just to get to the end line and face it by reaching out and saying, “Hey, I don’t know. This is my vulnerability. I need you to help me.” And I think if we were all a little more accepting of that, it wouldn’t be a weakness. It would be like, “Oh, OK, let me bring you my strength. We can work together for that higher good.”’ Filming Away posed physical problems. For much of it, the cast are pretending to be in zero gravity, floating weightlessly through the spacecraft. ‘It was very challenging,’ Hilary explains. ‘We’re lifted by our hips, but the lower part, so the contraption acts like a pendulum. You really have to have strong glutes and abs in order to hold yourself up like that and not look as though you’re working. You have to make it look effortless as you would if you were in zero gravity. And it’s really hard because the suits are very heavy. They weigh, I would say, 30lb all in.’ But Hilary is ‘I AM NOT A MOTHER BuT I AM vERY MATERNAl. THERE ARE SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS TO PROCREATE!’ always up for a challenge. For Boys Don’t Cry, she prepared by living as a man for a month and reducing her body fat to seven per cent. For Million Dollar Baby, she endured two-and-a-half hours of boxing and two hours lifting weights every day, six days a week for three months. When she took on the role of pioneering pilot Amelia Earhart in a 2009 biopic, Hilary learned how to fly. Doesn’t she ever want to have a cup of tea and take a break, perhaps by seeking out a role as a pampered heiress who doesn’t do anything all day? ‘I love those challenges!’ she insists. ‘I think I just grew up a sports person [in fact, she once competed as a swimmer at the Junior Olympics] and so I love the physicality of learning something new and challenging my body… It doesn’t mean you have to be excellent at it. Just achieving something that you didn’t expect of yourself – it’s a sense of accomplishment and that’s a nice feeling.’ In the background, Burt the parrot squawks out a ‘Hi!’ ‘I’ve got to step out of the room or my parrot won’t stop making me laugh,’ Hilary says, which is the first time a celebrity has ever used that particular line on me. It makes sense that Hilary has been drawn to the outsider roles for much of her professional life. Growing up, the younger of two children, she was made aware of her difference from an early age. Her mother Judy was a secretary; her father Stephen a pilot turned travelling salesman. The family lived in a trailer park in an industrial area near lake Samish in Washington, just south of the Canadian border. ‘I think, growing up in a lower socioeconomic background, you definitely learn classism at a young age,’ Hilary says. ‘And it’s not from the kids, by the way, it’s from the parents – from the people who make you feel like where you live isn’t good enough. And so, yes, I felt like an outsider. I was made to feel “less than” and I was ordered home many times, [and told] that I couldn’t play with the kids at my school or my neighbourhood, outside of my trailer park. And that definitely formed who I am in a specific way.’ Books and films were her escape, and a means of connecting with lives beyond her own. To this day, she is drawn to ‘the people who persevere through the greatest adversities. They have my heart and always will.’ By the time Hilary was a teenager, she knew that she wanted to act. Her parents separated when she was 15 and her mother, who was supportive of her daughter’s nascent ambitions, moved to los Angeles where they lived out of a car until they saved enough money for an apartment. ‘We had $75 and a card for petrol… We lived frugally and we had to be creative in how we made ends meet. But eventually my mom got a job, then we rented a room from a single mother and helped support each other, my Hilary witH Her Husband PHiliP Jake Chessum/Trunk arChive, GreGG DeGuire/FilmmaGiC, DiYah Per a/ neTFliX ©2020 @hil arYswank/insTaGr am reX/shuT TersToCk CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 2 2 you.co.uk 16 auGusT 2020 mom and her, and I would babysit the young daughter. Then I finally started working as an actor and we got our own house together. But it wasn’t any type of hardship for me, by the way. When people are like, “Oh my God, that must have been so very hard…” It wasn’t. It was a wonderful adventure.’ By 18, she was working regularly and in 1994 landed her first leading role in The Next Karate Kid. But she did not particularly enjoy her adolescence. ‘I didn’t like coming into puberty. I didn’t like the feeling of being objectified and trivialised, and all of a sudden being looked at differently. It was all too much for me. I remember I started to dress in overalls with wool socks and clogs. I didn’t want to be looked at. I kind of hid my curves and my femininity. You just don’t have the proper tools at that young age to deal with the onset of all the stuff that surrounds that. I think it also helped me make certain choices as an actor to not continue to enable objectification and trivialisation, and I hands-down know looking back, that’s why I chose a lot of the roles I did.’ From the beginning of her career, she says she was surrounded by strong women – her mother, but also her agents – ‘and they’d give me good advice… that was an important thing for me’. It meant that the film industry, with its ‘rampant sexism’, did not intimidate her. ‘I always made my boundaries clear. And I certainly had a lot of types of meetings where it was like, “You do this for me, I’ll do that for you.” I’d just get up and walk out. I didn’t care. And I didn’t care what they said about me. I’m lucky that I had those women to help shape me because I know that’s just not the case with a lot of people.’ Your mother must have been so proud when you won your first Oscar, I say. ‘Yeah, it’s so funny. I could only get one ticket [to the awards ceremony] and obviously my ticket went to my husband at the time… I was able to get her a ticket but it was way, way, way up in what we call “the nosebleed seats”. My mom had her high heels on and she took her shoes off and she said to the woman sitting next to her, “That’s my daughter, and if she wins I need to run down there.” ‘And so I got on stage and I said, “And to my mom, who is up there somewhere…” with talkative pet parrot Burt winning her first oscar in 2000 for Boys Don’t Cry and everyone thought my mom had died. But I meant up in the top! so then I walk off the stage, I go backstage and the next thing I know, my mom literally breaks through the door of the side stage, with her shoes in her hand, screaming. And these security guards were following her: “Ma’am, ma’am!” Nothing was going to keep her from getting to me.’ It’s one of the best awards stories I’ve heard. she remains close to both her parents. One of the oft-repeated myths about Hilary is that she seemed to disappear from Hollywood after her double-Oscar win. In truth, her father was seriously ill and, when he had a lung transplant in 2014, she took time off to become his primary carer. ‘I had planned on taking a year off, because it takes a year to see if an organ will take,’ she says. ‘But at the end of the first year he had a lot of complications and it quickly became two years and then three years, but he’s finally found a steady path with his doctors and the plan that he’s on. And, bless his heart, he’s thriving and doing well.’ During that time, Hilary says she was repeatedly asked by journalists and peers in the industry why she wasn’t working and whether she was ‘worried about not being relevant’. ‘I was like, “Wait. What?” Because if that’s my concern, I’m not in it for the right reasons.’ And now here she is again, in a leading role at 46 and bucking the trend as she always has. ‘I really love my 40s,’ Hilary says. ‘In your 20s you’re just this babble of insecurity and you feel so alone and then in your 30s you’re like, “Oh, OK, I guess other people are experiencing this and I’m not as alone.” But you still have these weird thoughts about it, like, “Oh, I don’t fit in there and oh…” And then in your 40s you’re like, “You know what? I don’t care. This is who I am.”’ It is, but I’m not sure how much age has to do with it. I suspect Hilary swank has always known exactly who she is, parrots and all. in new netflix drama AwAy with raY panthaki ‘IN YOur 20s, YOu’re A BABBle OF INsecurITY. BuT NOW I’M IN MY 40s, I’M lIKe, “I DON’T cAre. THIs Is WHO I AM”’ Away will be available on netflix from 4 september Jake Chessum/Trunk arChive, GreGG DeGuire/FilmmaGiC, DiYah Per a/ neTFliX ©2020, @hil arYswank/insTaGr am, reX/shuT TersToCk CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK ‘I tried to speak, then the world went dark’ Only six months ago, a terrifying bleed on the brain left Clemency Burton-Hill unable to see, talk or walk – yet she has defied medical expectation to relearn all three. She tells how her brush with death made her determined to live ClemenCy in new york last oCtober Mat thew SeptiMuS/New YOrk public radiO CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough prepare for the possibility that I would be unable to understand, speak, see and walk again. After a few weeks, I was transferred to NYU Langone’s Rusk rehabilitation hospital, where another outstanding team, led by Dr Heidi Fusco, looked after me. I began the daunting task of physical, speech and occupational therapy. Although I had partially regained my sight and comprehension, I was still wheelchair-bound and couldn’t move the right side of my body. Nor could I speak. I had spent almost two decades as a broadcaster, author and journalist. Words have always been my livelihood. But more than this, they have been my friends, my refuge, my salvation. Now, although I understood everything, the problem was how to get the words out. Inside, I was screaming. Early in March, back in Mount Sinai West, I had a cranioplasty operation to replace the half of my skull that had been removed to accommodate the brain swelling. My ever supportive husband was there. My devoted mum came from London, a third visit in six weeks. Friends crisscrossed the Atlantic – there’s nothing like major brain surgery to show how magnificent your friends are. I returned, via ambulance, to Rusk. The Covid-19 crisis was escalating. The hospital went into lockdown on 18 March, the day after my 39th birthday. No more visitors. I also contracted coronavirus. I was lucky to have a relatively mild case, but little over six months ago, on 20 January, my life changed in an instant. In the US, where I live, it was a public holiday: Martin Luther King Day. I didn’t go to my office at New York Public Radio, where I am creative director at classical music station WQXR, but instead I headed to a work meeting in Brooklyn. I was due to discuss a programme of musical collaborations in a new venue and I was brimming with ideas. My husband James took our two sons, aged five and one, to the Liberty science museum. We planned to meet that afternoon. I kissed the boys and remember waiting for the lift, saying goodbye. We parted ways. It was a beautiful, freezing winter’s morning. Once there, I was shown around. Excited about our proposed concert and interview series, I took photos and texted them to my producer. My meeting was just wrapping up when I tried to say something. My speech started slurring. I was instantly aware something was terribly wrong. My mouth was not cooperating. I tried to speak again – the words were clear in my brain but came out as gobbledygook. I was terrified. Then suddenly the world went dark. I came round in a hospital bed 17 days later, half of my skull missing, and I had no idea where I was or what had happened. At first I thought I was dreaming but, when I tried to speak, I still couldn’t produce the words. It felt like a living nightmare. I later learned what happened. I was taken to the Brooklyn Hospital Centre, where an emergency scan revealed a bleed in my left frontal lobe, and transferred to Mount Sinai West hospital. I was having a massive brain haemorrhage caused by an arteriovenous malformation (AVM) – a tangle of abnormal blood vessels connecting arteries and veins. An AVM, which is rare, is something you’re born with. Most people are oblivious to the condition – I certainly was. And a bleed is even rarer: fewer than two to four per cent haemorrhage. In most cases, an AVM is only discovered through a severe rupture that can often be fatal. At Mount Sinai West the swift action of a heroic medical team, led by expert neurosurgeon Dr Christopher Kellner, saved my life. But my family and friends were told to ‘I REPEATED “I CHOOSE LIFE” OVER AND OVER. IT BECAME A MANTRA’ First person A with neurosurgeon Dr Kellner in march aFter surgery the after-effects lasted at least 12 weeks. All patients were confined to their rooms. Therapy ceased except for basic sessions, which were delivered in hazmat suits. A first principle of speech therapy is that the patient has to copy the shapes the therapist makes with their lips and tongue. Tricky, if you’re both wearing masks. That said, on 10 April, thanks to remarkable staff, I walked out of hospital unaided. It was Good Friday. Outside, on East 17th Street, I remember hearing a taxi honk – the most miraculous thing I’d ever heard. It was an incredible moment, like starting again. I am now trying hard to learn the true meaning of patience. I fail every day but I keep trying. I can walk (slowly) in the park or along the Hudson river. I can play (simple) Lego with my kids. I can tell them I love them (constantly). I can read (again, slowly). I can see (apart from a tiny spot in my right peripheral vision). I can partly move my right side again. My old violin teacher Rodney has been showing me how to hold my bow again: I have almost no sensation, yet I can feel it, like a phantom muscle memory. Meanwhile, my friend Nicky is helping me play by bowing for me while I do the left hand: the first time we tried, I wept like a baby. (I have always believed in the life-altering power of music; now I know.) I am as curious and thirsty for knowledge as ever. My brain is buzzing. I am altogether and entirely me, albeit with a shaved head which I hate, even if my friends insist it’s ‘chic’. (It’s not.) Most miraculous of all, I’m learning to talk again. Hair grows back. Sentences are formed. Progress is real. I’m aware that I’ve been so, so lucky. The AVM is still there – Dr Kellner and his team are treating it with radiotherapy – and there is a long road ahead. But it is a salutary reminder to live every day to its fullest. Life is a miracle. I am so grateful that, because of the exceptional medical care I was privileged to have access to, I survived. At my darkest points the despair felt acute, unbearable. Being unable to speak felt like a kind of solitary confinement. Even though I was surrounded by friends and family, I felt entirely alone. Lacking the forbearance to tell myself ‘this too shall pass’, I simply repeated ‘I choose life’, over and over. It became a mantra. (What can I say? I belong to the Trainspotting generation.) And I do choose life. Every day. I choose life in all its complexity; aware of its beauty, its pain, its hope, its fragility, its love. Life, I believe, is a gift of unimaginable proportions. I don’t know what the future holds – for me or the world – but I have faith in the extraordinary power of humanity. I am thankful that I can say this. I am full of love. I am full of hope. I choose life. Follow clemency on instagram and twitter @clemencybh, and find her podcasts The Open Ears Project and the award-winning Classical Fix at the usual sources. her latest book Year of Wonder: Classical Music for Every Day is published by headline with husbanD James roscoe in their local parK in June Mat thew SeptiMuS/New York public radio CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 auguSt 2020 you.co.uK 25 food d e l i c i o u s , e f f o r t l e s s , s h o w s t o p p i n g r e c i p e s Quick-fix suppers with a Middle Eastern flavour by acclaimed chef Sabrina Ghayour pull out and keep Simply Spice it up! hot off the hob or brilliant on the bbQ: turmeric chicken kebabs, page 29 I came up with these when I needed to use up some mozzarella and I resorted to raiding my spice rack. It’s a marriage of the Lebanese mana’eesh (za’atar-rubbed breads) and the humble Italian pizza, but ultimately very different to both of them. These are stupidly simple and surprisingly delicious – my two favourite qualities in a good recipe. Makes 4 4 mini tortilla wraps olive oil, for drizzling 2 heaped tsp za’atar spice mix 150g ball of mozzarella (not buffalo mozzarella), torn into 1cm pieces 12 kalamata olives, pitted and sliced 2 tomatoes, cut into 1cm dice Maldon sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper H Preheat your oven to its highest setting (with fan if it has one). Line a large baking tray with baking paper. H Place the tortilla wraps on the prepared baking tray and drizzle with just enough olive oil so that when you rub it in it coats the whole wrap. Divide the za’atar between the tortillas, reserving a little for seasoning the topping, then divide the cheese, olives and tomatoes between them. H Season with salt and pepper and the remaining za’atar, then bake for 4-5 minutes until the cheese has melted. Serve immediately. M oz z a r e l l a , o l i v e a n d z a’ata r P i z z e t t e s s low- c o o k e d b u t t e r b e a n s w i t h o r e ga n o, to M ato e s & ga r l i c I am a recent convert to dried beans and sometimes they really are worth the extra time. I like a little bite in my beans, which canned beans lack, so this garlicky, sauce-laden baked delight is one example where your time is well spent. It’s hearty but not heavy; rich – only in a really good way – and ideal for sharing. serves 4-6 250g dried butter beans 250g baby plum tomatoes, halved 4-6 garlic cloves, peeled and bashed but kept whole generous handful of fresh oregano, roughly chopped 1 heaped tbsp tomato purée 2 tsp dried oregano 1 tsp chilli flakes 50g butter 4 tbsp olive oil about 700ml cold water generous amount of Maldon sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper crusty bread, to serve (optional) H Soak the butter beans in cold water for 8-10 hours or overnight, then drain. H Preheat the oven to 180C/160C fan/gas 4. H Select a rectangular ovenproof dish, about 32cm x 24cm. Add all the ingredients, except the water, to the dish and mix together well, then pour over the cold water, or enough to ensure the beans are immersed. H Bake for 2 hours until the beans are completely soft, checking after 1½ hours and topping up the water if necessary. Serve hot, with crusty bread if liked. CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 28 you.co.uk 16 August 2020 you food ServeS 4-6 4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (about 650g total weight) sweet chilli sauce, to serve for the marinade 5cm piece of fresh turmeric, scrubbed and finely grated 1 tbsp garlic granules finely grated zest and juice of 1 unwaxed lime 2 tbsp natural yogurt 1 generous tbsp clear honey 1 tbsp olive oil Maldon sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper H Put all the ingredients for the marinade into a plastic food container and mix together. H Cut each chicken breast lengthways into 3 equal long strips. Add to the marinade in the food container and seal with the lid. H Shake well to coat the chicken in the marinade then leave in the refrigerator for 30 minutes to 1 hour, or overnight if liked. H Thread each strip of marinated chicken on to a small wooden or metal skewer. Cook in a griddle pan over a high heat for 3-4 minutes on each side or until nicely browned and cooked through. H Alternatively, preheat your oven to its highest setting (with fan if it has one). Line a large baking tray with baking paper. Lay the kebabs on the prepared tray then bake for 10-12 minutes or until cooked through. Serve immediately with sweet chilli sauce. tiP You can also cook these over a barbecue. If using wooden skewers, soak them in water for 30 minutes before using. Cook over a medium-low heat for 5-6 minutes on each side until nicely browned and cooked through. T u r m e r i c c h i c k e n k e ba b s Turmeric really is the key ingredient in this fragrant chicken marinade, which is paired with the vibrant citrus zing of lime and the sweet, rounded finish of honey. These kebabs can be cooked either on the hob, in the oven or on a barbecue (see Tip), and are so versatile they can be served with wraps, rice, fries or just on their own. CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK you.co.uk 29 Rough 16 August 2020 Yo g u rt & sp i c e roas t ed sa l m o n I love to cook salmon in the oven. It’s lazy, quick, works really well and you don’t need any oil as salmon is naturally fatty and delicious. These little salmon bites are something I’ve made time and time again, and this method of roasting them at a high temperature ensures you get a little charring on the outside yet perfectly cooked salmon on the inside. Leftovers also make a great addition to your lunchbox the next day. ServeS 4 500g skinless salmon fillet, cut into 4cm cubes For the marinade 4 tbsp greek yogurt 1 tbsp garlic granules 1 heaped tbsp rose harissa 1 tsp ground turmeric 1 tsp paprika finely grated zest of 1 unwaxed lime and a good squeeze of juice 1 tsp olive oil generous amount of Maldon sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper to Serve tortilla wraps sliced tomatoes finely sliced onion coriander leaves greek yogurt H Preheat your oven to its highest setting (with fan if it has one). Line a baking tray with baking paper. H Mix all the marinade ingredients together in a mixing bowl. Add the salmon and turn until well coated in the marinade. H Spread the salmon out on the prepared baking tray and roast for 10 minutes until cooked through. Remove from the oven and serve immediately with the tortilla wraps, tomatoes, onion, coriander leaves and greek yogurt. CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 30 you.co.uk 16 August 2020 S p i c e - ru b b e d S patc h c o c k e d p o uS S i n The joy of a poussin is that it cooks in half the time of a normal-sized chicken. Spatchcocking a poussin reduces the cooking time further still and makes for a wonderful, evenly cooked bird with lovely crisp skin and juicy, tender meat. If that’s not fast food, then I don’t know what is. ServeS 2-4 2 poussins For the marinade 2 garlic cloves, minced 2 tbsp dried marjoram 1 tbsp coriander seeds, toasted and ground (see Tip) 1 tsp chilli flakes 1 tsp ground black pepper 3 tbsp olive oil juice of ½ lemon Maldon sea salt flakes to Serve bread rocket salad H Line a baking tray with baking paper. H To spatchcock the poussins, place each bird in turn breast side down on a chopping board. Using a good pair of kitchen scissors, cut down either side of the backbone then remove the bone. Lay breast side up on the prepared tray and gently press down on each bird with both hands until it is as flat as possible. H Mix all the marinade ingredients together in a small bowl or jug, then pour over the poussins and rub in all over. Cover the tray with clingfilm and leave to marinate in the refrigerator for 1 hour, or overnight, if liked. H Preheat the oven to 220C/200C fan/gas 7. H Roast the birds for about 30 minutes or until cooked through and nicely browned with crispy skin – the juices should run clear when the thickest part of the meat is pierced with the tip of a sharp knife. Remove from the oven and leave to rest for 10 minutes before serving with the bread and a rocket salad. tiP To toast spices, heat a dry frying pan over a medium heat and add the spices. Shake the pan for a minute or so until the spices release their aroma. Transfer the toasted seeds to a pestle and mortar and grind to a coarse powder. b e e t ro ot & fe ta lat t i c e It’s no secret that I always keep vacuum-packed cooked beetroot and feta cheese in my refrigerator at all times. They have saved me from going hungry on many occasions and are actually rather wonderful paired together, especially in salads. But sometimes you want something warm and comforting. That perfect balance of a sweet, salty and creamy filling encased in puff pastry is comfort food personified. Hot or cold, side dish or main, it’s a winner. ServeS 4-6 400g vacuum-packed cooked beetroot in natural juice (or peeled, cooked whole fresh beetroot) 1 heaped tsp dried wild oregano 1 tsp chilli flakes 300g vegetarian feta cheese 320g ready-rolled all-butter puff pastry sheet beaten egg, to glaze freshly ground black pepper H Preheat the oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. Line a baking tray with baking paper. H Coarsely grate the beetroot. Place in a sieve and squeeze out as much of the juices as you can without mashing it. Tip it into a mixing bowl with the oregano, chilli flakes and a generous amount of pepper, then loosely crumble in the feta and give everything a good mix. H Cut the pastry sheet in half lengthways to form 2 long rectangles (one for the base of the lattice and one for the top). Lay the pastry base on the prepared baking tray and spoon the filling along its length, then use your hands to neatly pack and compress the filling into a sausage shape, leaving a 1cm border of pastry. H Take the pastry top and make a series of small diagonal cuts in rows, leaving a 3cm border of uncut pastry (or cut a pattern of your choosing). Lay the top over the filling, carefully stretching it to cover the filling, then tuck the edges underneath the pastry base to neaten and hide the seam. Press the edges down firmly to seal, then brush beaten egg over all the exposed pastry. H Bake for 25-30 minutes, or until the pastry is deep golden brown. Remove from the oven and serve hot or cold, cut into slices. you Food CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK you.co.uk 31 Rough 16 August 2020 K a bab Ko o b i d e h For Persians, this dish is an institution. The word ‘kebab’ (or kabab, as Persians call it) means ‘to grill’, usually over fire. The first kebabs were made by Persian soldiers who would grill meats on their swords, hence the traditional flat skewers Persians use today – you can buy them online if you want to serve them this way. Although we only have a few different varieties of kebab, for me, this is the simplest yet most delicious. Makes 5-6 large kebabs or 10-12 sMall patties 1kg minced lamb (30% fat is essential) 2 large onions, minced in a food processor and drained of any liquid, or very finely chopped 2 level tbsp ground turmeric 2 level tsp bicarbonate of soda Maldon sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper 6 tomatoes flatbreads, to serve H Put all the main ingredients (not tomatoes) into a large mixing bowl and, using your hands, work them together really well, pummelling the meat mixture for several minutes into a smooth paste. H To make large kebabs, divide the mixture into 5-6 portions and form each portion around a flat sword skewer about 25cm long. Using your thumb and forefinger, pinch the meat widthways from one end of the kebab to the other to create the classic ridges. Cook them over a charcoal barbecue that has been burning for about 30 minutes, alongside the whole tomatoes. The trick is to cook them for 10-15 minutes in total until the meat is browned and cooked through, while turning them every 2 minutes to help the fat render and to prevent them burning. If they start to burn, your barbecue is too hot. H To make small kebabs, preheat your oven to its highest setting (with fan if it has one). Line a large baking tray with baking paper. Divide the mixture into 10-12 portions, form into sausages, then flatten and pinch as above to create ridges. H Place on the prepared baking tray with the tomatoes and bake for 10-12 minutes. H Serve the kebabs and tomatoes immediately on the flatbreads so that they absorb the lovely juices. C h o r i zo, G oat ’s C h e e s e a n d C u m i n b o r e K This wonderful combination of smoky, spiced chorizo and cumin-spiked, creamy goat’s cheese is a winner. Chorizo really is such a fantastic ingredient and its capability to deliver bags of flavour to anything it comes into contact with always makes it a crowd-pleaser and a refrigerator staple in my household. serves 4-6 2 x 200g cured (not cooking) chorizo sausages, skinned and cut into chunks 2 tsp cumin seeds, toasted 350g rindless soft goat’s cheese vegetable oil 6 sheets of filo pastry (each about 48cm x 25cm) 1 tbsp milk or water beaten egg, to glaze 1 tsp nigella seeds H Preheat the oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. H Put the chunks of chorizo into a food processor and process until they are minced as finely as possible. Transfer to a mixing bowl, add the cumin seeds and goat’s cheese, and mix together until evenly combined. H Brush the base of a 24cm round ovenproof dish or cake tin with a little vegetable oil. Lay a pastry sheet lengthways in the dish with the ends overhanging, then lay another pastry sheet widthways in the same way. H Divide the chorizo filling in half. Add one half to the filo base and smooth it right to the edges to cover the base evenly. H Fold another pastry sheet in half to create a double thickness and lay it over the filling, then repeat with a second pastry sheet. H Brush the pastry with the milk or water, then top with the remaining filling, pushing and patting it into place to evenly coat the pastry. Fold the overhanging pastry into the centre, then gently crumple up the remaining 2 pastry sheets and arrange them on top. H Brush all the exposed pastry and edges with beaten egg and sprinkle over the nigella seeds. Bake for 25-30 minutes until deep golden brown. Serve immediately. CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 32 you.co.uk 16 August 2020 L a m b & mi n t ko f t e These simple yet delicious little kofte are based on something I tasted in a restaurant in the city of Antioch in southern Turkey and make use of dried mint – a wonderfully versatile ingredient. These kofte really are pleasingly straightforward and a recipe that I’ve made many times since coming back from that trip. Makes about 20 500g minced lamb 1 onion, minced in a food processor and drained of any liquid, or very finely chopped 2 tbsp dried mint 2 eggs generous amount of Maldon sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper vegetable oil, for frying to serve greek or natural yogurt chopped fresh mint leaves H Put all the main ingredients, except the vegetable oil, into a large mixing bowl and, using your hands, work them together really well, pummelling the meat mixture for several minutes into a smooth, even paste. H Take golf-ball-sized amounts of the mixture to shape into round patties, about 20 in total. H Heat a large frying pan over a medium-high heat. Once hot, drizzle in a little vegetable oil and cook the patties in batches for 3-4 minutes on each side until browned on both sides and cooked through. H Thread each patty on to a wooden skewer and serve with a bowl of the yogurt scattered with some mint for dipping. n ow bU Y t H e b o o k w i t H £ 7 o f f ! Simply: Easy Everyday Dishes by sabrina Ghayour will be published by Mitchell beazley on 20 august, price £26. to order a copy for £18.99 until 30 august go to whsmith.co.uk and enter the code YousIMPLY at the checkout*. You food PhotograPhs: Kris KirKham.*BooK numBer: 9781784725167. For terms and conditions, see whsmith.co.uK/terms CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 august 2020 You.co.uk 33 Eating out Rejoice! Our favourite Indian restaurant has reopened. Tom tucks in at Dishoom Drinks It’s just after seven on a sultry Friday night. And sitting in the softly lit cool of Dishoom, with its art deco curves and artfully aged aquamarine leather banquettes, the past four months seem a long way off. Sure, the staff are clad in masks, tables removed and hand sanitiser now as much a part of the scenery as salt and pepper. But it feels how restaurants should feel. Or perhaps just how we hoped they would be once more. There’s a happy hubbub of pure, unfiltered hospitality, once so normal, now somehow exotic. Of people, friends, lovers, colleagues, family, gathered in a public place to eat food, cooked by someone else and delivered to your table by a stranger. In short, the eternal appeal of a great restaurant. And Dishoom is one of the best: a small group that has grown slowly, based upon the old Irani cafés of Bombay, serving up a robustly spiced remembrance of things past. Yet this is no romanticised paean to a fading world, rather modern, pan-Indian cookery, adapted to the cosmopolitan appetites of a modern British city. Chilli chicken, an Indo-Chinese dish, is gloriously sticky, tumbled in a soy-soaked, chilli-packed, spring onion-studded sauce, as thick as jam. Keema pau is a comfort classic, the minced lamb oily in all the right ways, piled into buttery toasted rolls, and eaten in three joyous bites. The sort of dish that envelops the senses in a warm embrace and refuses to let go. House black daal is equally hearty, lustily spiced and swimming in butter and cream. I’d happily drown in its dark depths. Chicken ruby is a glorious hybrid of butter chicken and something more intense, with a fistful of fresh fenugreek leaves. There’s skill on the grill too. Lamb chops, marinated in lime, ginger and About £20 a head. Tom visited Dishoom, 4 Derry Street, London W8. There are seven other branches nationwide; dishoom.com LefT fieLD HAWkeS BAy RoSé 2019 (13%), £11.99, Waitrose. Exotic, rich and packed with fruit, this vibrant number is my top choice for a barbecue. Le MéTéoRe 2019 oRgAnic RoSé (13.5%), £15.50, domainedu meteore.com. This bright French rosé is vital with shellfish or chargrilled prawns. côTeS De PRovence MiRAvAL RoSé 2019 (13%), £19.95, bbr.com. Elegant, layered and textural. A showstopper with salade niçoise. LA TeRRASSe RoSé PAyS D’oc 2018 (13%), £10, Sainsbury’s. If poolside sunbathing could be bottled, this would be it. Peachy poise. garlic, battered thin, are charred and ‘untrimmed for juiciness’, so the fat is every bit as important as the flesh. Then bread, great folded handkerchiefs of thinly stretched roti with which to mop up every last smudge of sauce. And naan, buttery, just crisp, sprinkled with garlic and delight. It’s a five-napkin feast. Dishoom is not only a place where the food thrills (they also understand the concerns of post-lockdown eating out), but one that distils the very spirit of good cheer. This is what we’ve missed. This is what we love. This is why we eat out. y oU We L c o M e S T H e A c c L A i M e D R e S TA U R A n T c R i T i c A n D e v e R y o n e ’ S g o -To Wi n e e x P e R T WiTH iTS cHic inTeRioRS AnD fReSH, fRAgRAnT DiSHeS, DiSHooM HAS cHAngeD THe WAy We eAT inDiAn ToRReS viñA eSMeRALDA RoSé 2019 (12.5%), £7.99, robertsand speight.co.uk. Delicately perfumed; pair with dishes brimming with garlic and spice. Paella, anyone? It serves up a robustly spiced remembrance of things past Brilliant new column! Smooth as a sundowner, bold with a barbie – Olly picks the season’s best rosés JOhn CaRey, helen CaThCaRT, naTaSha PSZenICKI tom parker bowles & olly smith CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 3 4 yoU.co.Uk 16 auguST 2020 It should mean the start of a bright new family future – but the reality is sometimes unbearably traumatic. Adoptive parents tell Anna Moore about the shame and despair of admitting they can’t cope – and what led them to breaking point When adoption fails: the guilt of giving a child back CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough re al lives Rough CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK ife has been much easier for Becca* since her adopted daughter returned to care. Becca, 51, no longer wakes with a knot in her stomach. ‘When Amber lived here, just the sound of her moving around would bring on palpitations,’ says Becca. ‘I’d shake, I’d sweat – it was a trauma response.’ Amber had been adopted by Becca and her husband ten years ago when she was almost five. She was born in a women’s refuge, and then spent several years in care, before arriving in Becca’s home a traumatised child. Last year, she left, a traumatised teen. Ultimately, Amber’s rages, her violence and as she got older, her substance abuse, sexual activity and constant running away were too much for the family to safely manage. After years of therapy, the family is in pieces, but in some ways – Becca has to admit – it’s a relief. ‘I’m a healthier person now that she’s gone,’ says Becca, ‘but I feel sad and guilty. I couldn’t do the right thing to help her recover. I was totally naive – I’d never have imagined that it would end like this.’ Adoption has been earmarked as a priority for our government. At the end of last year, Education Secretary Gavin Williamson announced new funding for an ‘adopter recruitment’ drive to focus on finding families for children who are some of the most difficult to place – such as older children who have spent years in care or ones with special needs. Adoption, said Williamson, can ‘transform the lives of children’. He urged social workers ‘not to shy away’ from putting children forward. Adoption breakdown, on the other hand, has a far lower profile – it’s a heartbreak that few parents wish to share, partly for fear of being blamed. Earlier this year though, the world caught a glimpse when American YouTube couple Myka and James Stauffer admitted they had ‘rehomed’ their four-year-old adopted son to another family ‘who could better care for his needs’. The Stauffers had adopted Huxley, who was autistic, in 2017 and documented their journey on YouTube, picking up over 700,000 followers and a mass of sponsorship deals along the way. (‘Do I feel like L a failure as a mom? 500 per cent,’ said Myka in a tearful video.) They were met with a fierce backlash. Furious comments were left on their social media and sponsorship deals were dropped. Watching from her home in Southwest England, Becca was less quick to judge. ‘Something has gone on in their life that has been quite horrific – and for that, I have empathy.’ Although there are no official UK statistics – local authorities and adoption agencies often don’t keep track once adoption orders are signed and children leave their care – it’s believed that around three per cent of UK adoptions end in breakdown. (For context, 3,570 children were adopted from care last year ending 31 March: three percent of that would be about 107 children.) Many more come close but teeter along on the very edge. Research by Adoption UK suggests about a third of adoptions encounter no significant problems, a third encounter problems but manage to resolve them, while the final third have challenges that are severe and ongoing. The most in-depth research into adoption breakdown, carried out by Bristol University, found that cases typically involved a significant degree of child-to-parent violence, running away and serious criminal behaviour. Though most breakdowns occur during the secondary school years, the vast majority will have begun experiencing problems years earlier and their root causes can be traced even further back, to the period before the adoption took place. ‘Adoptions come from the care system when children are unable to stay with their birth families, often because of neglect and abuse,’ says Sue Armstrong Brown, CEO of charity Adoption UK. ‘Even though adoption is designed to put a child into a safe and loving environment, it doesn’t erase the past or early childhood trauma. Babies’ brains are wired to attach to a primary caregiver – a parent – and that attachment allows them to find out about the world from a safe space.’ When that healthy bond isn’t there, when basic needs for love and comfort aren’t met, it can cause a lifetime of mental health challenges. When Becca and her husband adopted Amber, they had no idea of the path ahead. ‘We were a solid, mature, successful couple,’ says Becca – both she and her husband held corporate directorships. ‘My husband had three children who’d lived with us in their teens. I thought we could do anything. I was wrong. We understood that Amber had been through all these experiences before she came to us, but we didn’t have a deep understanding of what that might mean and it was never discussed. No one ever tells you the truth, so you’re in the dark about what’s going to happen and how to manage.’ The first three months went well. ‘At first, Amber was a happy little soul,’ says Becca. ‘She loved eating and baking and being read to.’ But when she returned to school – Becca had been advised that Amber needed her routine and to ‘make friends’ – the magic ended. ‘She’d scream and punch and kick the whole way there,’ says Becca. ‘I’d come home and cry for two hours. I spent so much time trying to find out what was happening to this child and trying to apply what I’d learnt, but her rages got worse and more frightening. ‘I often turned to my local authority for help. In the end, funding was found for therapy and respite care, but they let you fail first,’ says Becca. ‘You have to say, “I don’t think I can care for this child any more” before they help. If it was understood from the beginning that your child would need support and there was a pre-agreed budget and parenting plan ‘I’M A HEALTHIER pERSON NOW THAT SHE’S GONE BUT I FEEL SAD AND GUILTY. I COULDN’T HELp HER RECOvER’ get t y images. youtube When US YouTubers Myka and James Stauffer admitted to handing back their four-year-old adopted son Huxley, they were met with an enormous backlash and even death threats. Huxley, who has autism, had showed ‘severe aggression’ to the couple’s other four children CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 38 you.co.uk 16 august 2020 fantasised about divorce simply in order to share 50/50 parenting and have whole days away from the children. ‘I had regular, tearful conversations with the adoption social worker, but was always told we were doing our best and to keep trying.’ It was only 18 months ago, when Jeanie called her adoption social worker and threatened to repeatedly hit her son, that doors were opened. They were offered respite, with Callum spending one night a week with a foster carer. ‘It has been a godsend,’ she says. ‘The whole family can breathe knowing there will be no conflict and the bond Callum has with his carer is fantastic.’ Jeanie was also given funding for a therapist as she is suffering secondary trauma. For her, it’s a lifeline. ‘There are fewer bad days,’ she says. There is some funding available for struggling adoptive parents. In 2015, the Adoption Support Fund was created to finance therapy and other support, such as respite care, although it is capped at £5,000 each year per child. In April, £8 million of this fund was freed to make access easier during lockdown, when many adopters would be suffering the same problems as other families – isolation, disruption to routine, challenging behaviours – magnified tenfold. But Nigel Priestley, a lawyer with decades of experience in supporting adopting parents at the Adoption Legal Centre, says the fund is nowhere near enough. ‘We’re only now becoming more aware of the interplay between genetics, what goes on in the womb, factors like foetal alcohol syndrome and witnessing domestic violence at a young age,’ or adoption support, call the Adoption UK helpline on 0300 666 0006 or visit its website adoptionuk.org Some names have been changed already in place, then you wouldn’t have to wait for each crisis to happen.’ Jeanie, another adoptive mum, agrees. In 2007, she and her husband adopted three siblings: a girl aged 18 months and boys aged three and four. Their birth mother was a teenager. ‘I knew they’d been neglected and that was it,’ says Jeanie. ‘It felt like they were drop-kicked though the door and the social workers ran for the hills. They probably thought, “We’ve found people stupid enough to take them on. Let’s leave them to it and hope for the best.”’ The middle child, Callum, was a challenge from the beginning. ‘He was practically mute when he moved in, with no awareness of space or other people,’ she says. ‘He’d cause his siblings pain – like trapping fingers in the door – but seemed unaware of it.’ As he got older, the violence escalated. ‘We had years of fights between him and his brother, with knives being involved, stamping on each other’s heads,’ she says. ‘I reported all this to the adoption social worker but nothing was done. I said that my worst fear was that one would end up dead and the other would be the cause. Still nothing!’ At times Jeanie felt suicidal, at others, she ‘SHe oNCe TrIed To STrANgLe me; ANoTHer TIme SHe TrIed To PuSH me doWNSTAIrS’ he says. ‘often, the £5,000 only covers the initial assessment.’ The problem isn’t just funding. There is also a fundamental lack of understanding, says Priestley. ‘These parents set off on a journey in good faith,’ he continues. ‘They recognise it will be challenging but want to provide that forever home and are racked with guilt when things aren’t working out. Yet they quickly feel judged by their local authority, and are accused of bad parenting.’ For families who have been through it, the trauma lasts a lifetime. Anne and her husband Philip adopted their daughter Jemma 26 years ago – although at 16, she returned to a care home and now lives in a secure psychiatric unit. ‘We wanted a family like everybody else,’ says Philip, who has written an account of their experience, Inside Adoption: a Parent’s Story. ‘You just want to be normal, like all the other families in the community – but you never can be “normal”.’ Though the couple weren’t given much information about Jemma’s history – they were once told her records had been burnt in a fire and another time that they were lost in a flood – they did know that Jemma had been with six different carers before them. ‘We knew she had “developmental delay” which would apparently work itself out when she had a long-term home,’ says Anne. ‘It didn’t. Jemma would scream for eight hours a day. We were told “all two-year-olds have tempers”. Not like that, they don’t. In her teens, she once tried to strangle me; another time she tried to push me downstairs. She’d often attack us with knives – in the end, they were all locked in a high cupboard.’ For Philip and Anne, the lack of support was almost harder to bear. ‘We were desperately trying to get help from our local authority, from he school and social services,’ says Anne. ‘We were told all she needed was love. You’re giving 00 per cent of your energy to this incredibly raumatised child, and then you have to give 00 per cent to fight battles to get people to allocate some resources, while all the time, he behaviour is becoming so much more ngrained. No one has 200 per cent to give.’ This latest recruitment drive to find adopters must come with funds to support amilies after the adoption order is signed, ays Philip. ‘The public perception is that when you adopt, you’re gifted this child and everything is showered in love and fairy dust but for a third of adopters, it’s nothing like hat. The support needs to be in place from he start while everything is still oK, instead of waiting until you’re fire-fighting and it’s oo late. otherwise, it’s family finding – not family making.’ get t y images. youtube F h w * th w 10 tr 10 a th in a fa sa w e – th th o to n CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 august 2020 yoU.co.UK 39 CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK hRoug tylist Aloïs Guinut is explaining the difference between her French and non-French clients. The latter are always asking her, what’s new? What’s on trend? ‘My French clients never ask me that. They want to know what suits them.’ ‘Trends,’ she bats away dismissively, ‘are just passing. What they want is to develop their own style – one that lasts.’ And if anyone should know about French style, it’s Aloïs. Having graduated from the prestigious French Institute of Fashion in Paris, she worked as a fashion trend forecaster before becoming a leading style coach and personal stylist, with clients from around the globe who seek her out for her quintessentially Parisian take. She has shared her sartorial wisdom in the newspaper Le Figaro and her first book, Dress Like a Parisian, became the manual on acquiring that gallic je ne sais quoi. To be frank, we need a bit of that over on this side of the Channel. Aloïs knows everything about that insouciantly sexy, artfully dishevelled yet effortlessly pulled-together Parisian look that we see so frequently on fashion blogs and Instagram. And the good news? Aloïs says we Brits can inject some of that into our wardrobes, too. First – brace yourself – you must undertake a ruthless ‘massive decluttering’. Only then will you be ready to transform your closet à la Parisienne into a curated wardrobe of ‘basics and statements’. Second, never, ever shop on impulse or for the thrill of the buy. Third, buy less, buy better. Aloïs was grounded in this from an early age. ‘My mother took great care of the way she dressed – and it was the same with my grand-maman Brigitte. But french women hate fashion But they adore style, says expert Aloïs Guinut. Here she shares this and other secrets of their effortless – and often maddening! – glamour IntervIe w: natasha P olIszc zuk S you st yle anyone can master French style, says aloIs, above. clockwIse From leFt: brIgItte bardot rocks the breton strIPe; vanessa ParadIs gIves the tux a twIst; vIve le beret!; marIon cotIllard PerFects low-key chIc; the toujours FashIonable tea dress CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK you.co.uk 41 Rough 16 AuGust 2020 Your wardrobe should contain only two categories of items: basics and statements. Your basics are the pillars, so make them your shopping priority. They should be neutral (black, navy, grey or beige) and have a simple cut. Each of your statement pieces should have at least one basic that can be worn alongside it, whereas your basics must be able to be combined or spiced up with statements (garments that make you look fabulous or have an outstanding thing about them, such as an unusual print). These are the basics… the 5 basics every woman needs neither were big shoppers. They would think carefully before buying anything and kept clothes until they died. Every purchase would be thought through. Did I need it? Did I love it? As a result, I never became an impulse shopper,’ she explains. Another key element of becoming a Parisian style maven is to start shopping sustainably. According to a 2018 study by the French Fashion Institute, the value of the French clothing market has fallen 15 per cent since 2007, while the proportion of French consumers buying second-hand rose from 15 to 30 per cent between 2009 and 2018. In Britain, we are more susceptible to the dopamine hit of a fast-fashion purchase, spurred on by social media which thrives upon the new. A 2018 Eurostat survey showed that, out of 28 European counties, Britain was the eighth biggest spender when it came to clothing/footwear. France ranked 23rd. Aloïs delights in our ‘quirkiness’ and bold approach to colour and pattern, and likens the more conservative English style – ‘the Burberry and the Barbour’ – as closer to the French look. But she is baffled by the fondness for ‘short, tight clothes and a full face of make-up’ – in Paris, less is most definitely more. ‘Parisians don’t all have innate style – half my clients are French,’ she notes. ‘But, as general rule, French women put more emphasis on style. And we don’t give that up as we age because all around us are older women who are very elegant. Of course, it is easier if you have a style that can navigate through the years.’ And with Aloïs’s tips and strict instructions (right), it’s not as difficult as it sounds… ‘My FrEnch clIEnTs nEvEr Ask whAT’s On TrEnD, BuT whAT suITs them’ 1 T-shirts for layering 2 Shirts: whether oversized, tight-fitting or something in-between, the versatility of the shirt is the greatest in the clothing kingdom 3 Knits and pullovers: the T-shirts of winter. If they’re oversized, style them – tuck in the front, roll up the sleeves, add a belt or necklace… 5 Simple, light items of jewellery. These could be in gold or silver and include white diamonds (real or fake) 4 Tailored coats, jean jackets, trench coats *Order a cOpy fOr £11.49 until 30 august at whsmith.cO.uk by entering the cOde yOufrench at the checkOut. bOOk number: 9781784726690. fOr terms & cOnditiOns gO tO whsmith.cO.uk/terms. irma nOtOrahardjO, bl aublut-editiOn.cOm, amberly Valentine, skwad phOtOgr aphy, daniel brunO gr andl frenchy st yle jasOn jean sandra semburg michel dufOur wireimage gc images rex/shut terstOck CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 42 you.co.uk 16 august 2020 J e a n s One hundred per cent cotton jeans age the best and the toughest. Go for blue, black or white. You’ll have to try on a lot: designs and sizing have been modified over the years, so a number means nothing. D e n i m Jac k e ts Oversized, snug, sleeveless, studded or 80s shapes. I love denim-on-denim outfits, either using the same or a variety of shades. Jean jackets can make pretty dresses or skirts look more relaxed. B i k e r Jac k e ts In winter, I wear a sweater underneath and top it with an oversized scarf. They make smart trousers and frilly dresses look cool while emphasising the rock attitude of denim-based outfits. L e at h e r s k i rts The pencil skirt is an eternally sexy classic. Try on a few (make sure you can walk). Tone things down with an oversized top: a fluffy sweater, a men’s shirt or a square T-shirt. Tuck or half-tuck to show your waist. Team with trainers, flats, low boots or heels. In affordable second-hand shops, you may notice some scratching and fading to the leather. As long as it’s not too obvious, this can add soul to the piece. L e at h e r t ro us e rs These will mostly be high-waisted and pleated: super cool. Wear with a tight or loose sweater – maybe in the same colour – tucked in. Add a belt to define your waist. h i g h B o ots Choose 70s-style straight boots (these work wonders under short and knee-length skirts and dresses) or the more relaxed shapes with the triangular heel from the 80s. Bags Make sure the lining and straps are in good condition. If not, have the price reduced and do some DIY upcycling. t r e n c h c oats Older ones are less cinched than those from recent decades. Check for stains and tears in the lining. They look better worn open (as long as it’s not raining). u t i L i t y J u m ps u i ts You want a fabric that has ‘been through the mill’, so look and feel are key. Open the buttons to reveal a low-cut T-shirt, roll up the sleeves and trouser-leg hems, and add heels, jewellery and a bit of make-up. If it’s baggy at the waist, belt it. B Lo us e s Silk pussy-bows, Victorian collars, dainty lace… more refined than anything made today. To undercut their ‘femininity’, go for trousers, jeans or shorts – and tuck in the blouse. p L e at e D s k i rts I recommend midi length. Wear with 70s-style high boots in autumn, platform sandals in summer and ballet flats if you’re in a Bardot mood. s i L k s c a rv e s Feel the softness to be sure it’s the real thing. Wear under a sweater or shirt like a turtleneck, in your hair, around your bag handle… the options are endless. e m B e L L i s h e D J u m p e rs The ones with pearls or cute embroidery that your gran used to wear are cool again. Wear with something sexy or masculine – a leather skirt, jeans, cigarette trousers. Roll up the sleeves and half-tuck the front. Why French Women Wear Vintage – And Other Secrets of Sustainable Style by Aloïs Guinut (Mitchell Beazley, £16.99*) is out now. See also dresslikeaparisian.com and @aloisparisian StAy underStAted. French style is so popular because it’s not polarising, eccentric or over the top. MAintAin A conStAnt level of Style. At the Sunday markets in France, the women will be subtly stylish rather than dressed incredibly. It takes no more effort to put on a dress with trainers and lipstick than it does a pair of leggings. eSchew trendS. Like good wine, French women wait until something matures before buying it. But if a piece that looks like a future basic comes into fashion, they’ll take the plunge. hAve fun with your exiStinG wArdroBe. This means buying just a few but well-chosen, long-lasting clothes – very eco-friendly. now throw some vintage into the mix… et voila! how to dress more french Trench coat, £65, next.co.uk Boots, £350, reiss.com Jeans, £89.95, gap.co.uk Jacket, £249, marksandspencer.com Scarf, £195, jane-carr.com *Order a cOpy fOr £11.49 until 30 august at whsmith.cO.uk by entering the cOde yOufrench at the checkOut. bOOk number: 9781784726690. fOr terms & cOnditiOns gO tO whsmith.cO.uk/terms. irma nOtOrahardjO, bl aublut-editiOn.cOm, amberly Valentine, skwad phOtOgr aphy, daniel brunO grandl, frenchy st yle, jasOn jean, sandra semburg, michel dufOur, wireimage, gc images, rex/shut terstOck Skirt, £59, hush-uk.com c a n ’ t f i n D t h at pe r f e c t p r e Lov e D p i e c e ? t ry th e s e VOgue PAriS editor eMMAnuelle Alt, left, And Style icon ineS de lA freSSAnGe Show how it’S done CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Numerology Does your birth Date DeciDe your fate? Every one of us is born with a personal ‘cosmic code’, as unique as our thumbprints, says numerologist Kaitlyn Kaerhart. Decipher it and you can discover your life’s purpose and even predict your future CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough Rough CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK W h at is N u m e ro lo gy? It’s an ancient branch of esoteric wisdom similar to astrology, but instead of looking to the planets for answers, numerology finds meaning through numbers. It has existed for as long as we’ve had numerals and was found in ancient societies including China, India and the Roman Empire. Numerologists were consulted regularly before the rise of Christianity, which banned anything that was thought to be occult. When you stop to think about it, the universe is constantly sending us messages through numbers. Scientists measure time and space, sound and light through mathematical equations. We are interpreting numbers all the time, whether consciously or subconsciously. h oW it Wo r ks The Greek philosopher Pythagoras was one of the first to popularise the study of numbers. He created the Pythagorean numerology system that uses the Western or Latin alphabet and the numerals 1 to 9. Each letter of the alphabet is linked to one of these numbers. Numerology operates on the belief that we choose our birthdays based upon our experiences in past lives. It’s why the most important figure in numerology is your Life Path Number (which is based on your birth date). It can help to reveal the foundation of your life and the person you are meant to become. It offers insight into your gifts, strengths, weaknesses, talents, the challenges you will face and, ultimately, your calling. Use the box on the right to work out your Life Path Number. Remember every number must be reduced to a single digit unless it is a Master Number – 11, 22 or 33 (see far right). Then find out what your Life Path Number reveals about you… how to calculate your life path number Write down the numbers in your birthday (day + month + year), then reduce them to a single digit by adding the numbers together. If you get a double digit, add the numbers again – you may need to do this a couple of times until you have a single digit (unless it is 11, 22 or 33, see opposite). Once you have the day, month and year reduced to a single digit, you add those numbers together. The sum of those numbers equals your Life Path Number. For instance: 17 December 1990 (17-12-1990) 17: 1 + 7 = 8 December: 1 + 2 = 3 1990: 1 + 9 + 9 + 0 = 19; 1 + 9 = 10; 1 + 0 = 1 TOTAL: 8 + 3 + 1 = 12 1 + 2 = 3 LIfe PATh 3 1 t h e i N d e p e N d e N t l e a d e r Key terms: innovation, leadership, independence, imaginative, creative The 1s are society’s initiators, innovators and visionaries. Highly creative and intuitive, 1s are constantly thinking outside the box, while remaining razor sharp and focused on goals. New ideas and new beginnings feature prominently in the life of a 1 but they can feel very isolated. Life Path 1 will stumble and fall more than most and often feel misunderstood and that they don’t fit in. It’s not that they aren’t liked, it’s simply that they think differently. If you are a Life Path 1 self-doubt will be your biggest struggle, so learn to embrace your uniqueness and trust yourself. Famous 1s: Prince harry, below, Arianna huffington 2 t h e peacekeeper Key terms: sensitive, partnership, harmony, diplomacy, tact The most resilient number, the 2 leads with the heart just as much as with the rational mind. ‘Slow and steady wins the race’ could be one of Life Path 2’s mottos. Humble and genuine, the 2 is happiest when supporting others. Partnership and collaboration are also very important through romance or career. The 2s dislike confrontation but, by avoiding conflict, feel they no longer have a voice, so it is important that they resolve issues without compromising their own needs. The 2s also put their heart and soul into everything with the expectation that things will work out, so if plans go awry, they can feel hurt and discouraged. The key to 2s finding peace is for them to realise that they must leave room for error and focus on balance in all areas of life. Famous 2s: Pierce brosnan, Jodie foster 3 t h e commuNicator Key terms: creative, enthusiastic, inspirational, motivational Known as the ‘sunshine number’ because 3s are animated, excitable and have an enthusiastic attitude that is highly infectious. These are the true lovers of life. The number 3 has always been considered sacred – so if your path is 3, mysticism could play a role in your life. The 3 can get caught up in negative aspects of self-expression, becoming judgmental and indulging in gossip. This Life Path tends to be more emotionally sensitive and highly empathetic, soaking up the emotions of all those around them and this can cause them to shut down. The 3s must learn the art of patience while dealing with conflict. Their greatest challenge is to remember to always shine their light and communicate their most authentic self, regardless of how it is received. Famous 3s: ellie Goulding, left, ed Sheeran 4 t h e B u i l d e r Key terms: practical, analytical, dependable The 4s create systems that make a positive impact on themselves and society as a whole – they are the builders and teachers among us. Their destiny is to achieve great success through unrelenting hard and challenging work. They shine brightest when they have a strict routine. The 4 can be inflexible, stubborn and resistant to change, believing that their way is the only way. In a 4’s mind, they always know what’s best. It is important that they learn not to project their incredibly high standards on to others and especially not to hold themselves to standards that simply are not attainable. Famous 4s: Oprah Winfrey, bill Gates, elton John 5 t h e traveller Key terms: impulsive, courageous, free-spirited Ah, the adventurous, lively and freedomseeking 5! If this is your path, expect to ride a cosmic wave of constant change and transformation throughout your * To order a copy for £6.49 unTil 30 augusT, go To whsmiTh.co.uk and enTer The code youcosmic aT The checkouT. Book numBer: 9781529107364 for Terms and condiTions go To whsmiTh co uk/Terms geT T y images reX/shuT TersTock wireimage CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 46 you.co.uK 16 augusT 2020 lifetime. The 5 is the most adaptable of all the numbers and always up for any challenge. Travel plays a huge role in their destiny. They are not meant to stay in one place – or job – for their whole life. A 5’s gift is in pushing the boundaries and showing others that it’s OK to do the same. But 5s run the risk of giving in to hedonism and can be easily distracted, juggling too many projects at once and prioritising immediate gratification above all else. They need to understand their limitations and recognise that some self-restraint is required to have a healthy relationship with freedom. famous 5s: Angelina Jolie, JK Rowling, Russell Brand 6 T h e N u rT u r e r Key Terms: responsible, motherly, feminine This is the most love-centred number, aside from Master Number 33 (see far right). These are the people who will go to the ends of the earth for those they care about. Their purpose is to learn how to strike a balance between what they give and what they receive, and between a loving home and a satisfying work life. The 6 has incredible strength and is not afraid to show it, especially when protecting loved ones. But their shadow side is that they can give too much of themselves until there’s nothing left. If you are a 6, you may struggle with perfectionism and idealism and can hold yourself to unreasonably high standards. You also have a tendency to place others on a pedestal, only to be disappointed when you learn that everyone has faults. Lean into the relationships that feel balanced and let the rest go – and remember, no one is perfect. famous 6s: Victoria Beckham, left, John Lennon 7 T h e S e e K e r Key Terms: introvert, knowledge, truth, spirituality Incredibly private, 7’s journey is often a solitary and inward one. They have an incredible gift of being able to ignore the outside world and stay focused on their mission. They want to be in control of how others see them and do not want their personal business out in the open. This can sometimes lead to them being reclusive or isolated. In order to reach their fullest potential, 7s need to learn to trust their gut feeling enough to share their vision with the world. famous 7s: Leonardo DiCaprio, Janet Jackson, Julia Roberts 8 T h e PowerhouSe Key Terms: money, power, discipline, ambition When you meet a Life Path 8, you usually know it. There is an intense energy about 8s – they go after what they want with an insatiable hunger. The 8 is incredibly ambitious and understands the power of perseverance and being goal-oriented. The Life Path 8 is the bridge between the material and spiritual world. They are here to master the art of success through money and status, but they run the risk of being overly materialistic and can lose sight of what truly matters. The 8s can also be reckless with money. Staying grounded with a strong sense of purpose will allow the 8 to have a healthy relationship with money. If you are a Life Path 8 you should try to come from a place of compassion. You are abundant and ambitious with significant power – channel this into doing good for the world. famous 8s: Jane Fonda, Harry Styles, right 9 T h e humaNiTariaN Key Terms: philanthropist, idealist, sacrifice, integrity An incredibly transformative and very powerful number, the 9 is philanthropic and driven by a desire to give back. It is not an easy path to walk, but the 9’s eagerness to help others and make the world a better place is genuine. The shadow side of 9s is that they forget themselves in their quest to be of service to others, leading to them taking on too much, which can end in burnout and being overwhelmed. This path should not carry the weight of the world on its shoulders. The 9 is also the number associated with endings and has a running theme of sacrifice. This can be an incredibly painful and challenging process. The more 9s try to hold on to things that are not the Master NuMbers 11 T h e PSyc h i c Key Terms: spiritual leader, supernatural, insightful The 11s are highly intuitive. These numbers are connected to the cosmos and have access to ancient, universal wisdom. Life Path 11 is linked with spirituality. To be an 11, you must have spent many lifetimes accruing spiritual wisdom and knowledge. famous 11s: Michelle Obama, left, Orlando Bloom 22 T h e m aS T e r B u i l d e r Key Terms: architect, power, methodical, intuitive The Life Path 22 is the most powerful number in all of numerology: here to architect an empire that will help shift humanity for the better. They are the overseers of change and destined to become experts in their chosen fields. They have the greatest capacity of all numbers to manifest their vision into reality. famous 22s: Richard Branson, Tina Fey, Paul McCartney 33 T h e eNlighTeNed N u rT u r e r Key Terms: unconditional love, kindness, visionary The ultimate care giver, 33 is love in its purest form. Accomplished healers and guides, they are here to master unconditional love for themselves then give that unconditional love to others. The 33 is the champion of the underdogs, fighting injustice and inequality wherever they see it. famous 33s: Steve Irwin, Meryl Streep These are calculated in the same way as the other life path numbers. The only time you would not reduce your final number to a single digit is if you reach 11, 22 and 33. These are the master numbers, they carry a powerful frequency that can bring about big change in the world. in alignment with their future, the more resistance they meet. The 9s must learn that sometimes holding on to attachments causes more pain than letting go. famous 9s: Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Yoko Ono You Are Cosmic Code: Essential Numerology (New Age Series) by Kaitlyn Kaerhart is published by Pop Press, price £8.99* * To order a copy for £6.49 unTil 30 augusT, go To whsmiTh.co.uk and enTer The code youcosmic aT The checkouT. Book numBer: 9781529107364. for Terms and condiTions go To whsmiTh.co.uk/Terms. geT T y images, reX/shuT TersTock, wireimage Rough CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 augusT 2020 you.co.uK 47 your very own luxury hotel Want some five-star fabulousness at home? Then take inspiration from the hottest boutique getaways compiled by charlot te page make an entrance Steal the luxe touch of a hotel lobby with lush ferns and chic seating Umbrella stand, £187, amara.com Coat stand, £51.99, wayfair.co.uk Planter, £135.99, trouva.com Console table, £395, frenchconnection.com Shelf, £53, en.smallable.com Palm (160cm-170cm), £90 (without pot), patchplants.com Mirror, £1,200, amara.com Light switch, £40, busterandpunch.com Love seat, £625, oliverbonas.com Wall light, £295, luxdeco.com Pendant light, £325, matchimatchi.com interiors Tile, £4, bertandmay.com CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 48 you.co.uk 16 AuguST 2020 make greenery your go-to for a cool , e xotic vibe . re al looks gre at but faux is just as lush – and a lot l es s maintenance mee t, g ree t, rel a x or entertain with plent y of well-pl aced lighting op tions to cre ate the right ambience for a high-end bu t lived -in lo o k , opt for mismatched fu rn it ur e in sim il ar shapes bu t different colours and te x t ures indian stunner: the cosy yet sumptuous lobby of soho house mumbai; sohohouse.com Rough CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK book a table... Bring fine dining home with sleek tableware and standout details Cake stand, £315, artemest.com Candle holders, around £20 each, anna-nina.nl Vase, £29.99, zarahome.com Dining chair, £145, rockettstgeorge.co.uk Cutlery, £195 for set of 16, nordicnest.com Wine glasses, £50 for two, lsa-international.com Table, £565, barkerandstonehouse.co.uk Wall light, £280, monologuelondon.com Mirror (99cm x 28cm), £179, connox.co.uk Tile, £40.80 per sq m, mandarinstone.com Plate, £14, notanotherbill.com Glass, £42, summerillandbishop.com at yours CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 50 you.co.uk 16 August 2020 be bold – Pat terned tiles will give your floor in stant Personality – for e x tra oomPh, mix and match designs want to uP the gr and fac tor? a tall mirror will dr aw the e ye uPward, giving your dining are a a sense of sPaciousnes s think Pared -back but Punchy – here the green gl assware and red se ating re ally PoP against the white wood and marble state-of-the-art dining at venice’s il Palazzo exPerimental hotel; PalazzoexPerimental.com Rough CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Add dr AmA with An oversized he AdboArd. Go for stAtement shApes in bold colours or pAt terns quilts, throws And cushions in silk, sAtin or ve lve t will ens ure bedtime feels luxurious. up the chic by keepinG fA br ic s in A simil Ar colour pAle t te nothinG nAil s hotel wow l ike A te x tured wAll – ruGs, swAthes of fA br ic or wood pAnellinG Are All s uitAbly fA bulous A niGht At wAshinGton dc’s riGGs hotel, set inside A former bAnk, will leAve you feelinG A million dollArs; riGGsdc.com CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Luxe up the bedro Create your own boutique suite with sumptuous touches and dramatic flourishe oom es Cushion, £35, made.com Double bedding bundle, £99, bedfolk.com Lamp, £340, thetrove.co.uk Mirror, £125, huhstore.com Headboard, from £1,200, kdloves.com Blanket, £69, arket.com Table lamp, £135, twentytwentyone.com Cushion, £25, habitat.co.uk Rug (140cm x 200cm), £89, made.com Pair of unframed prints (41cm x 51cm), £119, 55max.com Carafe, £280, matchesfashion.com Glass, £190 for two, matchesfashion.com Side table, £145, laredoute.co.uk CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 August 2020 you.co.uk 53 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 j s r s b s r e d u c e d m a r l o w e z e v b r a e n e w z e a l a n d c h a d b m s i k t d e c r e p i t n a s s e r l e i i m d h a l f a l o a f i s r l a l t a b e t t e r e l e p h a n t s e c d a x t h a n i n a b s e n t i a o n c y i o o h o l i d a y h e i n o u s t s l r e s TO ENTER Complete the crossword and count how many times the letter ‘A’ appears in the grid. Text YOU followed by a space, your answer (the number of ‘A’s) and name to 65700, eg, YOU 9 Sue Smith. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network rate. Or telephone 0905 652 2141 and leave your answer and details. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network access charge. Or post your entry to YOU Crossword No 1,711, PO Box 3451, Norwich NR7 7NR. Entries will be accepted until 11.59pm on Friday 21 August. One random winner from all correct entries will win £250 and five runners-up will win £50 each. If you enter after the closing date you will not be included but may still be charged. Phone and text helpline: 0330 100 0601. Winners will be notified by phone within 14 days. Solution in two weeks. across 6 Thin transparent serous membrane enveloping the lungs and lining the walls of the thoracic cavity (6) 8 Deep fissure, eg, in the ice of a glacier (8) 10 Sort of music produced by new bands working with small record companies (5) 11 Sort of (2,1,3) 12 Serene (4) 13 British TV quiz show in which contestants must come up with the most obscure (correct) answers to questions (9) 15 Annual event at Henley (7) FOR RECENT WINNERS lIST ONlY, SEND AN SAE TO YOU CROSSWORD, MAIl ON SUNDAY PROMOTIONS, NORTHClIFFE HOUSE, 2 DERRY STREET, lONDON W8 5TS. NO CROSSWORD ENTRIES TO THIS ADDRESS name........................................................................................................... aDDReSS...................................................................................................... ....................................................................................................................... Tel................................................................................................................. YouR anSweR............................................................................................ NUMBER 1,711 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 10 26 which Ben Kingsley won an Oscar (6) 3 Admits, acknowledges (7) 4 Disease caused by a thiamine deficiency (8) 5 See 17 across 7 Beyond criticism, blameless (13) 17 (and 5 down) 1, 14 down’s co-presenter on 13 across (7,5) 19 Sincere, deep, earnest (9) 22 Minute amount (4) 23 Worldwide (6) 24 In ______: how people participate in 13 across (5) 25 In insects, a pair of long slender jointed structures on the head which act as feelers (8) 26 People who are skilled at making things with stone (6) down 1 (and 14 down) The presenter of 13 across (9,9) 2 1982 film for 9 Doctors who put patients to sleep before operations (13) 14 See 1 down 16 Country that used to be known as Siam (8) 18 Ceased (7) 20 Mystery (6) 21 Colloquial language (5) solution to no 1,709 crossword & horoscopes £ 5 00 TO BE WO N H N O 1 ,7 1 1 yO u r s Ta rs H sa l ly BrO m p TO N To discover more abouT yourself, visiT sallybrompTon.com *FOR A FUllER WEEKlY FORECAST, CAll THE NUMBER NExT TO YOUR STAR SIgN ABOVE. CAllS COST 65P PER MINUTE PlUS YOUR TElEPHONE COMPANY’S NETWORK ACCESS CHARgE AND WIll lAST NO lONgER THAN 6 MINUTES. SP: DMg MOBIlE & TV. HElPlINE: 0330 100 0601. liVE PsYcHic rEadinGs crediT card bookings Call Freephone 0800 063 1707 to simply book your reading using your debit or credit card. Our friendly advisers are on hand Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm to help you choose your reader, length of call and appointment time. psychic on your phone Call 0906 344 6821 (£1.50 per min plus your phone company’s network access charge) for a one-to-one live reading with one of our gifted psychics. THIS SERVICE IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONlY AND IS REgUlATED BY PHONEPAYPlUS. YOU MUST BE 18+. CAllS COST £1.50 PER MINUTE PlUS YOUR TElEPHONE COMPANY’S NETWORK ACCESS CHARgE. CAllS ARE RECORDED FOR YOUR PROTECTION. MAxIMUM DURATION FOR 0906 CAllS IS 19 MINUTES. SERVICE AVAIlABlE 8AM-1AM SEVEN DAYS A WEEK. BOOKINg lINE OPEN 9AM-5.30PM MON-FRI. AVAIlABlE IN THE UK ONlY. CUSTOMER SERVICE 0333 202 3392 (9AM-5PM). SERVICE PROVIDER: SPOKE lTD. ariEs 21 march-20 april By tradition, Aries is the sign of the pioneer, and with your daring ruler Mars in your sign aspected by the Sun this week, an adventure is certainly on the cards. Whether it’s the kind of adventure you’re expecting is another matter, but it will be exciting. call 0904 470 1161* taurus 21 april-21 may If it is only fear holding you back, it is because Mars in Aries is making you prone to all sorts of weird and wonderful anxieties. But none of them is real and current aspects suggest that if you take a risk it could work out the way you hope, not the way you fear. call 0904 470 1162* GEmini 22 may-21 June This should be a week when, no matter what you turn your hand to, it should work out better than you expected. Even if you are not an expert you can do an expert job. But don’t let success go to your head – it may not be this easy every time. call 0904 470 1163* cancEr 22 June-23 July You have so much talent and potential but you seem to doubt that you have what it takes to succeed. Not only do you have what it takes but today’s Sun-Mars union suggests you’re unlikely to fail if you have the courage to follow your dreams. call 0904 470 1164* lEo 24 July-23 aug You have no intention of hiding your feelings, so sensitive souls had best stay out of range! With the Sun, your ruler, linked to assertive Mars you are unlikely to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it is better to speak your mind. call 0904 470 1165* VirGo 24 aug-23 sept Virgoans don’t often get angry but when they do they do so with a vengeance. However, this may not be the right time or place to air your grievances. By looking at the problem objectively you’re more likely to reach a satisfactory agreement. call 0904 470 1166* libra 24 sept-23 oct True friends often put others’ interests first, even if it makes things harder for themselves. One such person will figure prominently this week but this time the roles will be reversed: it is they who needs help and you who can provide it. Time to repay a favour. call 0904 470 1167* scorPio 24 oct-22 nov It is time for a change. Not just any old change but complete transformation in the way you function. In a nutshell, you need freedom to express yourself, to be bigger than you are. You will get that freedom this week – just be sure you use it wisely. call 0904 470 1168* saGittarius 23 nov-21 dec Nothing is impossible to a Sagittarian. Some things are more difficult than others, of course, but few things defeat you completely. The Sun in leo aspects ambitious Mars this week which suggests that anything you set your mind to is unlikely to fail. call 0904 470 1169* caPricorn 22 dec-20 Jan You won’t lack advice this week but it’s likely to be a bit extreme. There is someone who can offer some no-nonsense common sense guidance but you won’t get it just by opening your ears. Open your mind and listen to your inner voice. call 0904 470 1170* aquarius 21 Jan-19 feb Communication must be clear and concise this week otherwise no one will know what you want and nothing will get done, regardless of your intentions. Don’t worry about saying the wrong thing – certain people aren’t as helpless as they like you to believe. call 0904 470 1171* PiscEs 20 feb-20 march With the Sun joining forces with zealous Mars you will be passionate in the extreme this week. On a professional level it means you will be determined to stay in control. Remember: no one has a heaven-sent right to take what is yours. call 0904 470 1172* CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 5 6 you.co.uk 16 AUgUST 2020 zelda west-meads y o u ’ s r e l at i o n s h i p s c o u n s e l l o r a n s w e r s yo u r p r o b l e m s QMy wife and I are in our 60s and mostly get on well. However, since she went through the menopause over a decade ago, she has changed beyond all recognition and most of our arguments have been about our sex life. It can be summed up as: she doesn’t want one and I do. The compromises we both made to try to find some middle ground sexually didn’t really satisfy either of us but at least we were trying to address the problem. Now we don’t even bother. On the infrequent occasions we had sex, it was lights out, do the deed – always in the same position – and jump off. She wouldn’t even let me touch her breasts when we were having sex. Now she won’t undress in front of me or let me see her naked. We rarely holds hands, we don’t even have a kiss on my birthday. I find her very cold emotionally and this has all begun to weigh heavily on me, dampen my joy in life and I feel as though I’m in a rut. I no longer find her sexually attractive as what’s the point? It’s like living with my sister. I don’t know where to go from here as I seem to be making all the concessions with nothing from her. She’s got everything she wants and I’ve got nothing. Before lockdown I started to become close to another woman. Should I call it a day and end my marriage? I could then ask the other woman out. This would remove any sexual pressure on my wife as well as giving me a partner who is emotionally warmer. Q My mother is 88 and in poor health. She is frail, suffers from arthritis and has difficulty getting out of a chair. The doctor thinks she might have had a small stroke a while ago and possibly has dementia. My brother and I helped to look after her with carers also coming in, but she didn’t like them. We stopped the carers visiting, but since her first hospital admission last year she has been readmitted several times for infections or falls. My mum has had a hard life. She was an illegitimate child who was fostered by an unloving family and also lived in children’s homes. She only met her mother once and never met her father. I want to help but I feel hurt when she says that I do not know what it is like to suffer like she has and that I don’t understand. aIt is terribly hard to see someone who you love so sad and in pain. However, though you and your brother are clearly loving and kind, looking after someone who is elderly and ill is very tough and you can’t do it full time. It will take its toll on you mentally and physically and this will also impact all of the other people you love. I know your mum doesn’t particularly want carers, but it doesn’t sound as if she is safe alone so you may have to insist on this. It wouldn’t be easy for her but she would get used to it and perhaps you and your brother could share looking after her some of the time but get carers in for the rest. It may be that she needs to go into a home before too long. Meanwhile, try not to be hurt by what she says. No one can ever truly understand what someone else has been through, but if she says it aggressively, remember that this is probably the dementia talking and not her. Contact alzheimers.org.uk for more information and support for you and your brother. my elderly mother refuses to have carers zelda IllUSTRaTION: MaRTIN WelCH. MOllIe MaNNINg O ur th O u g h ts ex ac t ly Seen something that makes you smile? Tell us at you.features@mailonsunday.co.uk aYou clearly can’t go on like this. You must both be miserable. Your sex life (now nonexistent) sounded totally joyless and must have been unsatisfying at best but also awful for her, having sex only out of duty. But while you have been arguing about sex, how much have you been talking about the relationship? You say that ‘she’s got everything she wants and I’ve got nothing’ but could it be that she also feels desperately sad that the emotional closeness is no longer what it was? When the sexual side falls apart, the emotional side is also lost and vice versa. Was the relationship good before the menopause or could it have been that she was already unhappy and saw it as an excuse to stop having sex? Could she have body-image issues so hates being seen naked? Talk to your wife gently and explain how unhappy you are. Tell her it’s not just the sex – it is all the emotional intimacy that goes with it and how unloved you feel without any closeness. ask her if she is unhappy too and if she will come to counselling with you (contact Relate at relate.org.uk). It might be too late – maybe love has died on both sides – but counselling is not just about saving marriages, sometimes it is about helping couples part. Just a word of caution regarding this other woman. It is understandable that you have developed feelings for someone else, but if you decide to end the marriage, do so because you are sure it is over, not for someone else, which can cloud the issue. We rarely hold hands, don’t kiss and she won’t let me see her naked If you have a problem, email Zelda at z.west-meads@you.co.uk. Zelda reads all your letters but regrets she cannot answer each one personally I want a sex life… and she doesn’t CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 aUgUST 2020 you.co.uk 57 lIZ JONES’S DIARY iLLUSTRATiON: Abbey LOSSiNg AT hANdSOmefRANk.cOm c a n d i d, c o n f e s s i o n a l , c o n t r o v e r s i a l ‘You should have set the bar a lot higher. You seem to have all the qualities a man could want. I don’t get it.’ That was a text from P, the new one, referencing the way I’ve been treated by men. And although I can veer wildly between thinking I’m a complete and utter cadaverous failure, and believing deep down that I’m special, I think he might have a point. (I am currently growing my hair long, lunging from considering I resemble Meghan Markle to Michael Jackson during his long trial.) Everyone who has been in my orbit – family, employees, colleagues, friends, boyfriends, fiancés, husbands – I have treated with respect and generosity (at least initially until, like past-its-sell-by-date cream, I turn). I took men to Calvin Klein catwalk shows in New York, to a secret gig at Abbey Road Studios, to Marrakech. (Never, ever sign up to a naked hammam with a man. Ever. I still get flashbacks of the sight of him in a paper thong and shower cap.) To meet a member of Pink Floyd. To meet Donald Trump, Emma Willis and Nigel Farage (not all at once). To party with Ricky Martin and Giorgio Armani. On holiday with Blur. To the Dior couture show in Paris. When Trevor, he of the high-waisted trousers, dumped me for a stylist, my parting shot was… buying him a mixing deck and turntables from a very expensive shop in Camden! And I’m still doing it, if in a small way. I have just been contacted by a wonderful charity called Wild at Heart Foundation. It raises funds for small dog rehoming charities (the charities are small, not the dogs – some are huge!). It’s through them that I got Missy. I was sent to super shiny from too many trips to the dry cleaner. I gave my Alexander McQueen military trouser suit worn to meet the Obamas to my friend Helen at Christmas: she’s a huge fan of the label. My one Prada bag – a gift from the designer – is scuffed from 20 years of use. As editor, I got the large tote. My fashion editor got a smaller bowling bag and the fashion assistant a wallet. I have three pairs of shoes I’ve not sold on Ebay: soles worn as thin as, well, me. The only good dress I have is the long Dries Van Noten slip with gold embellishment David bought me a couple of years ago*. I might need that for a future awards ceremony**. I have a Stella McCartney T-shirt with embellished collar; problem is, the collar attacks me every time I struggle into it, entangling my hair and sending me into a rage. I wish fashion designers made larger openings. I doubt Nikki Tibbles wants that. OK, so. The Dries it is. Just don’t tell David… *Plus one Brownie point. Although minus one Brownie point as it’s two sizes too big. **Who am I kidding? I’ve been shortlisted as Newspaper Columnist of the Year six times, rocked up to the awards ceremony having hired a make-up artist and not won once. I blame the Russians. The Fashion Rehomed online designer and vintage sale in aid of Wild at Heart Foundation runs from 28 August until 14 September. Visit wildatheartfoundation.org/events/ fashion-rehomed for more details Contact Liz at LizJonesGoddess.com and stalk her @LizJonesGoddess In which I reassess my life (again) interview the founder, Nikki Tibbles, and while she was being made up for the photos, I was scrolling her website and came across a collie who had been in an outside kennel since her rescue from being abandoned on a farm in Ireland as a puppy. A few weeks later, I drove to pick her up. It took a year for her to bark, and 18 months before she would wag her tail. Even now, she wags all wrong: she pumps it up and down. But her fur is like silk and she is the most loving dog I’ve ever known: she is Velcroed to my side every night. The reason the charity has got in touch again is to ask if I have anything ‘designer’ to donate to an auction. Hmm. Let’s look in my wardrobe, shall we? I have my black Prada skirt suit bought when an editor. Nah. It’s I veer between thinking I’m an utter failure and believing I’m special YoU is published by associated newspapers ltd, northcliffe House, 2 derry street, london W8 5ts, and printed by Prinovis UK ltd, liverpool international Business Park, 4 dakota drive, liverpool l24 8rJ. colour transparencies or any other materials submitted are sent at the owner’s risk. © copyright associated newspapers ltd 2020 Please recYcle our newspapers, magazines and polythene wrapping are 100% recyclable ★ l i s t e n to l i Z J o n e s ’s Po D C As t ! ★ Join liz as she dissects her weekly YoU diary, delves into the archives and screams, ‘Why did i write that?!’ find it now at mailplus.co.uk/lizjones, itunes and spotify. CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 5 8 YoU.co.UK 16 AUgUST 2020s of small diagonal cuts in rows, leaving a 3cm border of uncut pastry (or cut a pattern of your choosing). Lay the top over the filling, carefully stretching it to cover the filling, then tuck the edges underneath the pastry base to neaten and hide the seam. Press the edges down firmly to seal, then brush beaten egg over all the exposed pastry. H Bake for 25-30 minutes, or until the pastry is deep golden brown. Remove from the oven and serve hot or cold, cut into slices. you Food CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK you.co.uk 31 Rough 16 August 2020 K a bab Ko o b i d e h For Persians, this dish is an institution. The word ‘kebab’ (or kabab, as Persians call it) means ‘to grill’, usually over fire. The first kebabs were made by Persian soldiers who would grill meats on their swords, hence the traditional flat skewers Persians use today – you can buy them online if you want to serve them this way. Although we only have a few different varieties of kebab, for me, this is the simplest yet most delicious. Makes 5-6 large kebabs or 10-12 sMall patties 1kg minced lamb (30% fat is essential) 2 large onions, minced in a food processor and drained of any liquid, or very finely chopped 2 level tbsp ground turmeric 2 level tsp bicarbonate of soda Maldon sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper 6 tomatoes flatbreads, to serve H Put all the main ingredients (not tomatoes) into a large mixing bowl and, using your hands, work them together really well, pummelling the meat mixture for several minutes into a smooth paste. H To make large kebabs, divide the mixture into 5-6 portions and form each portion around a flat sword skewer about 25cm long. Using your thumb and forefinger, pinch the meat widthways from one end of the kebab to the other to create the classic ridges. Cook them over a charcoal barbecue that has been burning for about 30 minutes, alongside the whole tomatoes. The trick is to cook them for 10-15 minutes in total until the meat is browned and cooked through, while turning them every 2 minutes to help the fat render and to prevent them burning. If they start to burn, your barbecue is too hot. H To make small kebabs, preheat your oven to its highest setting (with fan if it has one). Line a large baking tray with baking paper. Divide the mixture into 10-12 portions, form into sausages, then flatten and pinch as above to create ridges. H Place on the prepared baking tray with the tomatoes and bake for 10-12 minutes. H Serve the kebabs and tomatoes immediately on the flatbreads so that they absorb the lovely juices. C h o r i zo, G oat ’s C h e e s e a n d C u m i n b o r e K This wonderful combination of smoky, spiced chorizo and cumin-spiked, creamy goat’s cheese is a winner. Chorizo really is such a fantastic ingredient and its capability to deliver bags of flavour to anything it comes into contact with always makes it a crowd-pleaser and a refrigerator staple in my household. serves 4-6 2 x 200g cured (not cooking) chorizo sausages, skinned and cut into chunks 2 tsp cumin seeds, toasted 350g rindless soft goat’s cheese vegetable oil 6 sheets of filo pastry (each about 48cm x 25cm) 1 tbsp milk or water beaten egg, to glaze 1 tsp nigella seeds H Preheat the oven to 200C/180C fan/gas 6. H Put the chunks of chorizo into a food processor and process until they are minced as finely as possible. Transfer to a mixing bowl, add the cumin seeds and goat’s cheese, and mix together until evenly combined. H Brush the base of a 24cm round ovenproof dish or cake tin with a little vegetable oil. Lay a pastry sheet lengthways in the dish with the ends overhanging, then lay another pastry sheet widthways in the same way. H Divide the chorizo filling in half. Add one half to the filo base and smooth it right to the edges to cover the base evenly. H Fold another pastry sheet in half to create a double thickness and lay it over the filling, then repeat with a second pastry sheet. H Brush the pastry with the milk or water, then top with the remaining filling, pushing and patting it into place to evenly coat the pastry. Fold the overhanging pastry into the centre, then gently crumple up the remaining 2 pastry sheets and arrange them on top. H Brush all the exposed pastry and edges with beaten egg and sprinkle over the nigella seeds. Bake for 25-30 minutes until deep golden brown. Serve immediately. CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 32 you.co.uk 16 August 2020 L a m b & mi n t ko f t e These simple yet delicious little kofte are based on something I tasted in a restaurant in the city of Antioch in southern Turkey and make use of dried mint – a wonderfully versatile ingredient. These kofte really are pleasingly straightforward and a recipe that I’ve made many times since coming back from that trip. Makes about 20 500g minced lamb 1 onion, minced in a food processor and drained of any liquid, or very finely chopped 2 tbsp dried mint 2 eggs generous amount of Maldon sea salt flakes and freshly ground black pepper vegetable oil, for frying to serve greek or natural yogurt chopped fresh mint leaves H Put all the main ingredients, except the vegetable oil, into a large mixing bowl and, using your hands, work them together really well, pummelling the meat mixture for several minutes into a smooth, even paste. H Take golf-ball-sized amounts of the mixture to shape into round patties, about 20 in total. H Heat a large frying pan over a medium-high heat. Once hot, drizzle in a little vegetable oil and cook the patties in batches for 3-4 minutes on each side until browned on both sides and cooked through. H Thread each patty on to a wooden skewer and serve with a bowl of the yogurt scattered with some mint for dipping. n ow bU Y t H e b o o k w i t H £ 7 o f f ! Simply: Easy Everyday Dishes by sabrina Ghayour will be published by Mitchell beazley on 20 august, price £26. to order a copy for £18.99 until 30 august go to whsmith.co.uk and enter the code YousIMPLY at the checkout*. You food PhotograPhs: Kris KirKham.*BooK numBer: 9781784725167. For terms and conditions, see whsmith.co.uK/terms CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 august 2020 You.co.uk 33 Eating out Rejoice! Our favourite Indian restaurant has reopened. Tom tucks in at Dishoom Drinks It’s just after seven on a sultry Friday night. And sitting in the softly lit cool of Dishoom, with its art deco curves and artfully aged aquamarine leather banquettes, the past four months seem a long way off. Sure, the staff are clad in masks, tables removed and hand sanitiser now as much a part of the scenery as salt and pepper. But it feels how restaurants should feel. Or perhaps just how we hoped they would be once more. There’s a happy hubbub of pure, unfiltered hospitality, once so normal, now somehow exotic. Of people, friends, lovers, colleagues, family, gathered in a public place to eat food, cooked by someone else and delivered to your table by a stranger. In short, the eternal appeal of a great restaurant. And Dishoom is one of the best: a small group that has grown slowly, based upon the old Irani cafés of Bombay, serving up a robustly spiced remembrance of things past. Yet this is no romanticised paean to a fading world, rather modern, pan-Indian cookery, adapted to the cosmopolitan appetites of a modern British city. Chilli chicken, an Indo-Chinese dish, is gloriously sticky, tumbled in a soy-soaked, chilli-packed, spring onion-studded sauce, as thick as jam. Keema pau is a comfort classic, the minced lamb oily in all the right ways, piled into buttery toasted rolls, and eaten in three joyous bites. The sort of dish that envelops the senses in a warm embrace and refuses to let go. House black daal is equally hearty, lustily spiced and swimming in butter and cream. I’d happily drown in its dark depths. Chicken ruby is a glorious hybrid of butter chicken and something more intense, with a fistful of fresh fenugreek leaves. There’s skill on the grill too. Lamb chops, marinated in lime, ginger and About £20 a head. Tom visited Dishoom, 4 Derry Street, London W8. There are seven other branches nationwide; dishoom.com LefT fieLD HAWkeS BAy RoSé 2019 (13%), £11.99, Waitrose. Exotic, rich and packed with fruit, this vibrant number is my top choice for a barbecue. Le MéTéoRe 2019 oRgAnic RoSé (13.5%), £15.50, domainedu meteore.com. This bright French rosé is vital with shellfish or chargrilled prawns. côTeS De PRovence MiRAvAL RoSé 2019 (13%), £19.95, bbr.com. Elegant, layered and textural. A showstopper with salade niçoise. LA TeRRASSe RoSé PAyS D’oc 2018 (13%), £10, Sainsbury’s. If poolside sunbathing could be bottled, this would be it. Peachy poise. garlic, battered thin, are charred and ‘untrimmed for juiciness’, so the fat is every bit as important as the flesh. Then bread, great folded handkerchiefs of thinly stretched roti with which to mop up every last smudge of sauce. And naan, buttery, just crisp, sprinkled with garlic and delight. It’s a five-napkin feast. Dishoom is not only a place where the food thrills (they also understand the concerns of post-lockdown eating out), but one that distils the very spirit of good cheer. This is what we’ve missed. This is what we love. This is why we eat out. y oU We L c o M e S T H e A c c L A i M e D R e S TA U R A n T c R i T i c A n D e v e R y o n e ’ S g o -To Wi n e e x P e R T WiTH iTS cHic inTeRioRS AnD fReSH, fRAgRAnT DiSHeS, DiSHooM HAS cHAngeD THe WAy We eAT inDiAn ToRReS viñA eSMeRALDA RoSé 2019 (12.5%), £7.99, robertsand speight.co.uk. Delicately perfumed; pair with dishes brimming with garlic and spice. Paella, anyone? It serves up a robustly spiced remembrance of things past Brilliant new column! Smooth as a sundowner, bold with a barbie – Olly picks the season’s best rosés JOhn CaRey, helen CaThCaRT, naTaSha PSZenICKI tom parker bowles & olly smith CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 3 4 yoU.co.Uk 16 auguST 2020 It should mean the start of a bright new family future – but the reality is sometimes unbearably traumatic. Adoptive parents tell Anna Moore about the shame and despair of admitting they can’t cope – and what led them to breaking point When adoption fails: the guilt of giving a child back CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough re al lives Rough CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK ife has been much easier for Becca* since her adopted daughter returned to care. Becca, 51, no longer wakes with a knot in her stomach. ‘When Amber lived here, just the sound of her moving around would bring on palpitations,’ says Becca. ‘I’d shake, I’d sweat – it was a trauma response.’ Amber had been adopted by Becca and her husband ten years ago when she was almost five. She was born in a women’s refuge, and then spent several years in care, before arriving in Becca’s home a traumatised child. Last year, she left, a traumatised teen. Ultimately, Amber’s rages, her violence and as she got older, her substance abuse, sexual activity and constant running away were too much for the family to safely manage. After years of therapy, the family is in pieces, but in some ways – Becca has to admit – it’s a relief. ‘I’m a healthier person now that she’s gone,’ says Becca, ‘but I feel sad and guilty. I couldn’t do the right thing to help her recover. I was totally naive – I’d never have imagined that it would end like this.’ Adoption has been earmarked as a priority for our government. At the end of last year, Education Secretary Gavin Williamson announced new funding for an ‘adopter recruitment’ drive to focus on finding families for children who are some of the most difficult to place – such as older children who have spent years in care or ones with special needs. Adoption, said Williamson, can ‘transform the lives of children’. He urged social workers ‘not to shy away’ from putting children forward. Adoption breakdown, on the other hand, has a far lower profile – it’s a heartbreak that few parents wish to share, partly for fear of being blamed. Earlier this year though, the world caught a glimpse when American YouTube couple Myka and James Stauffer admitted they had ‘rehomed’ their four-year-old adopted son to another family ‘who could better care for his needs’. The Stauffers had adopted Huxley, who was autistic, in 2017 and documented their journey on YouTube, picking up over 700,000 followers and a mass of sponsorship deals along the way. (‘Do I feel like L a failure as a mom? 500 per cent,’ said Myka in a tearful video.) They were met with a fierce backlash. Furious comments were left on their social media and sponsorship deals were dropped. Watching from her home in Southwest England, Becca was less quick to judge. ‘Something has gone on in their life that has been quite horrific – and for that, I have empathy.’ Although there are no official UK statistics – local authorities and adoption agencies often don’t keep track once adoption orders are signed and children leave their care – it’s believed that around three per cent of UK adoptions end in breakdown. (For context, 3,570 children were adopted from care last year ending 31 March: three percent of that would be about 107 children.) Many more come close but teeter along on the very edge. Research by Adoption UK suggests about a third of adoptions encounter no significant problems, a third encounter problems but manage to resolve them, while the final third have challenges that are severe and ongoing. The most in-depth research into adoption breakdown, carried out by Bristol University, found that cases typically involved a significant degree of child-to-parent violence, running away and serious criminal behaviour. Though most breakdowns occur during the secondary school years, the vast majority will have begun experiencing problems years earlier and their root causes can be traced even further back, to the period before the adoption took place. ‘Adoptions come from the care system when children are unable to stay with their birth families, often because of neglect and abuse,’ says Sue Armstrong Brown, CEO of charity Adoption UK. ‘Even though adoption is designed to put a child into a safe and loving environment, it doesn’t erase the past or early childhood trauma. Babies’ brains are wired to attach to a primary caregiver – a parent – and that attachment allows them to find out about the world from a safe space.’ When that healthy bond isn’t there, when basic needs for love and comfort aren’t met, it can cause a lifetime of mental health challenges. When Becca and her husband adopted Amber, they had no idea of the path ahead. ‘We were a solid, mature, successful couple,’ says Becca – both she and her husband held corporate directorships. ‘My husband had three children who’d lived with us in their teens. I thought we could do anything. I was wrong. We understood that Amber had been through all these experiences before she came to us, but we didn’t have a deep understanding of what that might mean and it was never discussed. No one ever tells you the truth, so you’re in the dark about what’s going to happen and how to manage.’ The first three months went well. ‘At first, Amber was a happy little soul,’ says Becca. ‘She loved eating and baking and being read to.’ But when she returned to school – Becca had been advised that Amber needed her routine and to ‘make friends’ – the magic ended. ‘She’d scream and punch and kick the whole way there,’ says Becca. ‘I’d come home and cry for two hours. I spent so much time trying to find out what was happening to this child and trying to apply what I’d learnt, but her rages got worse and more frightening. ‘I often turned to my local authority for help. In the end, funding was found for therapy and respite care, but they let you fail first,’ says Becca. ‘You have to say, “I don’t think I can care for this child any more” before they help. If it was understood from the beginning that your child would need support and there was a pre-agreed budget and parenting plan ‘I’M A HEALTHIER pERSON NOW THAT SHE’S GONE BUT I FEEL SAD AND GUILTY. I COULDN’T HELp HER RECOvER’ get t y images. youtube When US YouTubers Myka and James Stauffer admitted to handing back their four-year-old adopted son Huxley, they were met with an enormous backlash and even death threats. Huxley, who has autism, had showed ‘severe aggression’ to the couple’s other four children CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 38 you.co.uk 16 august 2020 fantasised about divorce simply in order to share 50/50 parenting and have whole days away from the children. ‘I had regular, tearful conversations with the adoption social worker, but was always told we were doing our best and to keep trying.’ It was only 18 months ago, when Jeanie called her adoption social worker and threatened to repeatedly hit her son, that doors were opened. They were offered respite, with Callum spending one night a week with a foster carer. ‘It has been a godsend,’ she says. ‘The whole family can breathe knowing there will be no conflict and the bond Callum has with his carer is fantastic.’ Jeanie was also given funding for a therapist as she is suffering secondary trauma. For her, it’s a lifeline. ‘There are fewer bad days,’ she says. There is some funding available for struggling adoptive parents. In 2015, the Adoption Support Fund was created to finance therapy and other support, such as respite care, although it is capped at £5,000 each year per child. In April, £8 million of this fund was freed to make access easier during lockdown, when many adopters would be suffering the same problems as other families – isolation, disruption to routine, challenging behaviours – magnified tenfold. But Nigel Priestley, a lawyer with decades of experience in supporting adopting parents at the Adoption Legal Centre, says the fund is nowhere near enough. ‘We’re only now becoming more aware of the interplay between genetics, what goes on in the womb, factors like foetal alcohol syndrome and witnessing domestic violence at a young age,’ or adoption support, call the Adoption UK helpline on 0300 666 0006 or visit its website adoptionuk.org Some names have been changed already in place, then you wouldn’t have to wait for each crisis to happen.’ Jeanie, another adoptive mum, agrees. In 2007, she and her husband adopted three siblings: a girl aged 18 months and boys aged three and four. Their birth mother was a teenager. ‘I knew they’d been neglected and that was it,’ says Jeanie. ‘It felt like they were drop-kicked though the door and the social workers ran for the hills. They probably thought, “We’ve found people stupid enough to take them on. Let’s leave them to it and hope for the best.”’ The middle child, Callum, was a challenge from the beginning. ‘He was practically mute when he moved in, with no awareness of space or other people,’ she says. ‘He’d cause his siblings pain – like trapping fingers in the door – but seemed unaware of it.’ As he got older, the violence escalated. ‘We had years of fights between him and his brother, with knives being involved, stamping on each other’s heads,’ she says. ‘I reported all this to the adoption social worker but nothing was done. I said that my worst fear was that one would end up dead and the other would be the cause. Still nothing!’ At times Jeanie felt suicidal, at others, she ‘SHe oNCe TrIed To STrANgLe me; ANoTHer TIme SHe TrIed To PuSH me doWNSTAIrS’ he says. ‘often, the £5,000 only covers the initial assessment.’ The problem isn’t just funding. There is also a fundamental lack of understanding, says Priestley. ‘These parents set off on a journey in good faith,’ he continues. ‘They recognise it will be challenging but want to provide that forever home and are racked with guilt when things aren’t working out. Yet they quickly feel judged by their local authority, and are accused of bad parenting.’ For families who have been through it, the trauma lasts a lifetime. Anne and her husband Philip adopted their daughter Jemma 26 years ago – although at 16, she returned to a care home and now lives in a secure psychiatric unit. ‘We wanted a family like everybody else,’ says Philip, who has written an account of their experience, Inside Adoption: a Parent’s Story. ‘You just want to be normal, like all the other families in the community – but you never can be “normal”.’ Though the couple weren’t given much information about Jemma’s history – they were once told her records had been burnt in a fire and another time that they were lost in a flood – they did know that Jemma had been with six different carers before them. ‘We knew she had “developmental delay” which would apparently work itself out when she had a long-term home,’ says Anne. ‘It didn’t. Jemma would scream for eight hours a day. We were told “all two-year-olds have tempers”. Not like that, they don’t. In her teens, she once tried to strangle me; another time she tried to push me downstairs. She’d often attack us with knives – in the end, they were all locked in a high cupboard.’ For Philip and Anne, the lack of support was almost harder to bear. ‘We were desperately trying to get help from our local authority, from he school and social services,’ says Anne. ‘We were told all she needed was love. You’re giving 00 per cent of your energy to this incredibly raumatised child, and then you have to give 00 per cent to fight battles to get people to allocate some resources, while all the time, he behaviour is becoming so much more ngrained. No one has 200 per cent to give.’ This latest recruitment drive to find adopters must come with funds to support amilies after the adoption order is signed, ays Philip. ‘The public perception is that when you adopt, you’re gifted this child and everything is showered in love and fairy dust but for a third of adopters, it’s nothing like hat. The support needs to be in place from he start while everything is still oK, instead of waiting until you’re fire-fighting and it’s oo late. otherwise, it’s family finding – not family making.’ get t y images. youtube F h w * th w 10 tr 10 a th in a fa sa w e – th th o to n CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 august 2020 yoU.co.UK 39 CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK hRoug tylist Aloïs Guinut is explaining the difference between her French and non-French clients. The latter are always asking her, what’s new? What’s on trend? ‘My French clients never ask me that. They want to know what suits them.’ ‘Trends,’ she bats away dismissively, ‘are just passing. What they want is to develop their own style – one that lasts.’ And if anyone should know about French style, it’s Aloïs. Having graduated from the prestigious French Institute of Fashion in Paris, she worked as a fashion trend forecaster before becoming a leading style coach and personal stylist, with clients from around the globe who seek her out for her quintessentially Parisian take. She has shared her sartorial wisdom in the newspaper Le Figaro and her first book, Dress Like a Parisian, became the manual on acquiring that gallic je ne sais quoi. To be frank, we need a bit of that over on this side of the Channel. Aloïs knows everything about that insouciantly sexy, artfully dishevelled yet effortlessly pulled-together Parisian look that we see so frequently on fashion blogs and Instagram. And the good news? Aloïs says we Brits can inject some of that into our wardrobes, too. First – brace yourself – you must undertake a ruthless ‘massive decluttering’. Only then will you be ready to transform your closet à la Parisienne into a curated wardrobe of ‘basics and statements’. Second, never, ever shop on impulse or for the thrill of the buy. Third, buy less, buy better. Aloïs was grounded in this from an early age. ‘My mother took great care of the way she dressed – and it was the same with my grand-maman Brigitte. But french women hate fashion But they adore style, says expert Aloïs Guinut. Here she shares this and other secrets of their effortless – and often maddening! – glamour IntervIe w: natasha P olIszc zuk S you st yle anyone can master French style, says aloIs, above. clockwIse From leFt: brIgItte bardot rocks the breton strIPe; vanessa ParadIs gIves the tux a twIst; vIve le beret!; marIon cotIllard PerFects low-key chIc; the toujours FashIonable tea dress CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK you.co.uk 41 Rough 16 AuGust 2020 Your wardrobe should contain only two categories of items: basics and statements. Your basics are the pillars, so make them your shopping priority. They should be neutral (black, navy, grey or beige) and have a simple cut. Each of your statement pieces should have at least one basic that can be worn alongside it, whereas your basics must be able to be combined or spiced up with statements (garments that make you look fabulous or have an outstanding thing about them, such as an unusual print). These are the basics… the 5 basics every woman needs neither were big shoppers. They would think carefully before buying anything and kept clothes until they died. Every purchase would be thought through. Did I need it? Did I love it? As a result, I never became an impulse shopper,’ she explains. Another key element of becoming a Parisian style maven is to start shopping sustainably. According to a 2018 study by the French Fashion Institute, the value of the French clothing market has fallen 15 per cent since 2007, while the proportion of French consumers buying second-hand rose from 15 to 30 per cent between 2009 and 2018. In Britain, we are more susceptible to the dopamine hit of a fast-fashion purchase, spurred on by social media which thrives upon the new. A 2018 Eurostat survey showed that, out of 28 European counties, Britain was the eighth biggest spender when it came to clothing/footwear. France ranked 23rd. Aloïs delights in our ‘quirkiness’ and bold approach to colour and pattern, and likens the more conservative English style – ‘the Burberry and the Barbour’ – as closer to the French look. But she is baffled by the fondness for ‘short, tight clothes and a full face of make-up’ – in Paris, less is most definitely more. ‘Parisians don’t all have innate style – half my clients are French,’ she notes. ‘But, as general rule, French women put more emphasis on style. And we don’t give that up as we age because all around us are older women who are very elegant. Of course, it is easier if you have a style that can navigate through the years.’ And with Aloïs’s tips and strict instructions (right), it’s not as difficult as it sounds… ‘My FrEnch clIEnTs nEvEr Ask whAT’s On TrEnD, BuT whAT suITs them’ 1 T-shirts for layering 2 Shirts: whether oversized, tight-fitting or something in-between, the versatility of the shirt is the greatest in the clothing kingdom 3 Knits and pullovers: the T-shirts of winter. If they’re oversized, style them – tuck in the front, roll up the sleeves, add a belt or necklace… 5 Simple, light items of jewellery. These could be in gold or silver and include white diamonds (real or fake) 4 Tailored coats, jean jackets, trench coats *Order a cOpy fOr £11.49 until 30 august at whsmith.cO.uk by entering the cOde yOufrench at the checkOut. bOOk number: 9781784726690. fOr terms & cOnditiOns gO tO whsmith.cO.uk/terms. irma nOtOrahardjO, bl aublut-editiOn.cOm, amberly Valentine, skwad phOtOgr aphy, daniel brunO gr andl frenchy st yle jasOn jean sandra semburg michel dufOur wireimage gc images rex/shut terstOck CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 42 you.co.uk 16 august 2020 J e a n s One hundred per cent cotton jeans age the best and the toughest. Go for blue, black or white. You’ll have to try on a lot: designs and sizing have been modified over the years, so a number means nothing. D e n i m Jac k e ts Oversized, snug, sleeveless, studded or 80s shapes. I love denim-on-denim outfits, either using the same or a variety of shades. Jean jackets can make pretty dresses or skirts look more relaxed. B i k e r Jac k e ts In winter, I wear a sweater underneath and top it with an oversized scarf. They make smart trousers and frilly dresses look cool while emphasising the rock attitude of denim-based outfits. L e at h e r s k i rts The pencil skirt is an eternally sexy classic. Try on a few (make sure you can walk). Tone things down with an oversized top: a fluffy sweater, a men’s shirt or a square T-shirt. Tuck or half-tuck to show your waist. Team with trainers, flats, low boots or heels. In affordable second-hand shops, you may notice some scratching and fading to the leather. As long as it’s not too obvious, this can add soul to the piece. L e at h e r t ro us e rs These will mostly be high-waisted and pleated: super cool. Wear with a tight or loose sweater – maybe in the same colour – tucked in. Add a belt to define your waist. h i g h B o ots Choose 70s-style straight boots (these work wonders under short and knee-length skirts and dresses) or the more relaxed shapes with the triangular heel from the 80s. Bags Make sure the lining and straps are in good condition. If not, have the price reduced and do some DIY upcycling. t r e n c h c oats Older ones are less cinched than those from recent decades. Check for stains and tears in the lining. They look better worn open (as long as it’s not raining). u t i L i t y J u m ps u i ts You want a fabric that has ‘been through the mill’, so look and feel are key. Open the buttons to reveal a low-cut T-shirt, roll up the sleeves and trouser-leg hems, and add heels, jewellery and a bit of make-up. If it’s baggy at the waist, belt it. B Lo us e s Silk pussy-bows, Victorian collars, dainty lace… more refined than anything made today. To undercut their ‘femininity’, go for trousers, jeans or shorts – and tuck in the blouse. p L e at e D s k i rts I recommend midi length. Wear with 70s-style high boots in autumn, platform sandals in summer and ballet flats if you’re in a Bardot mood. s i L k s c a rv e s Feel the softness to be sure it’s the real thing. Wear under a sweater or shirt like a turtleneck, in your hair, around your bag handle… the options are endless. e m B e L L i s h e D J u m p e rs The ones with pearls or cute embroidery that your gran used to wear are cool again. Wear with something sexy or masculine – a leather skirt, jeans, cigarette trousers. Roll up the sleeves and half-tuck the front. Why French Women Wear Vintage – And Other Secrets of Sustainable Style by Aloïs Guinut (Mitchell Beazley, £16.99*) is out now. See also dresslikeaparisian.com and @aloisparisian StAy underStAted. French style is so popular because it’s not polarising, eccentric or over the top. MAintAin A conStAnt level of Style. At the Sunday markets in France, the women will be subtly stylish rather than dressed incredibly. It takes no more effort to put on a dress with trainers and lipstick than it does a pair of leggings. eSchew trendS. Like good wine, French women wait until something matures before buying it. But if a piece that looks like a future basic comes into fashion, they’ll take the plunge. hAve fun with your exiStinG wArdroBe. This means buying just a few but well-chosen, long-lasting clothes – very eco-friendly. now throw some vintage into the mix… et voila! how to dress more french Trench coat, £65, next.co.uk Boots, £350, reiss.com Jeans, £89.95, gap.co.uk Jacket, £249, marksandspencer.com Scarf, £195, jane-carr.com *Order a cOpy fOr £11.49 until 30 august at whsmith.cO.uk by entering the cOde yOufrench at the checkOut. bOOk number: 9781784726690. fOr terms & cOnditiOns gO tO whsmith.cO.uk/terms. irma nOtOrahardjO, bl aublut-editiOn.cOm, amberly Valentine, skwad phOtOgr aphy, daniel brunO grandl, frenchy st yle, jasOn jean, sandra semburg, michel dufOur, wireimage, gc images, rex/shut terstOck Skirt, £59, hush-uk.com c a n ’ t f i n D t h at pe r f e c t p r e Lov e D p i e c e ? t ry th e s e VOgue PAriS editor eMMAnuelle Alt, left, And Style icon ineS de lA freSSAnGe Show how it’S done CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Numerology Does your birth Date DeciDe your fate? Every one of us is born with a personal ‘cosmic code’, as unique as our thumbprints, says numerologist Kaitlyn Kaerhart. Decipher it and you can discover your life’s purpose and even predict your future CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough Rough CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK W h at is N u m e ro lo gy? It’s an ancient branch of esoteric wisdom similar to astrology, but instead of looking to the planets for answers, numerology finds meaning through numbers. It has existed for as long as we’ve had numerals and was found in ancient societies including China, India and the Roman Empire. Numerologists were consulted regularly before the rise of Christianity, which banned anything that was thought to be occult. When you stop to think about it, the universe is constantly sending us messages through numbers. Scientists measure time and space, sound and light through mathematical equations. We are interpreting numbers all the time, whether consciously or subconsciously. h oW it Wo r ks The Greek philosopher Pythagoras was one of the first to popularise the study of numbers. He created the Pythagorean numerology system that uses the Western or Latin alphabet and the numerals 1 to 9. Each letter of the alphabet is linked to one of these numbers. Numerology operates on the belief that we choose our birthdays based upon our experiences in past lives. It’s why the most important figure in numerology is your Life Path Number (which is based on your birth date). It can help to reveal the foundation of your life and the person you are meant to become. It offers insight into your gifts, strengths, weaknesses, talents, the challenges you will face and, ultimately, your calling. Use the box on the right to work out your Life Path Number. Remember every number must be reduced to a single digit unless it is a Master Number – 11, 22 or 33 (see far right). Then find out what your Life Path Number reveals about you… how to calculate your life path number Write down the numbers in your birthday (day + month + year), then reduce them to a single digit by adding the numbers together. If you get a double digit, add the numbers again – you may need to do this a couple of times until you have a single digit (unless it is 11, 22 or 33, see opposite). Once you have the day, month and year reduced to a single digit, you add those numbers together. The sum of those numbers equals your Life Path Number. For instance: 17 December 1990 (17-12-1990) 17: 1 + 7 = 8 December: 1 + 2 = 3 1990: 1 + 9 + 9 + 0 = 19; 1 + 9 = 10; 1 + 0 = 1 TOTAL: 8 + 3 + 1 = 12 1 + 2 = 3 LIfe PATh 3 1 t h e i N d e p e N d e N t l e a d e r Key terms: innovation, leadership, independence, imaginative, creative The 1s are society’s initiators, innovators and visionaries. Highly creative and intuitive, 1s are constantly thinking outside the box, while remaining razor sharp and focused on goals. New ideas and new beginnings feature prominently in the life of a 1 but they can feel very isolated. Life Path 1 will stumble and fall more than most and often feel misunderstood and that they don’t fit in. It’s not that they aren’t liked, it’s simply that they think differently. If you are a Life Path 1 self-doubt will be your biggest struggle, so learn to embrace your uniqueness and trust yourself. Famous 1s: Prince harry, below, Arianna huffington 2 t h e peacekeeper Key terms: sensitive, partnership, harmony, diplomacy, tact The most resilient number, the 2 leads with the heart just as much as with the rational mind. ‘Slow and steady wins the race’ could be one of Life Path 2’s mottos. Humble and genuine, the 2 is happiest when supporting others. Partnership and collaboration are also very important through romance or career. The 2s dislike confrontation but, by avoiding conflict, feel they no longer have a voice, so it is important that they resolve issues without compromising their own needs. The 2s also put their heart and soul into everything with the expectation that things will work out, so if plans go awry, they can feel hurt and discouraged. The key to 2s finding peace is for them to realise that they must leave room for error and focus on balance in all areas of life. Famous 2s: Pierce brosnan, Jodie foster 3 t h e commuNicator Key terms: creative, enthusiastic, inspirational, motivational Known as the ‘sunshine number’ because 3s are animated, excitable and have an enthusiastic attitude that is highly infectious. These are the true lovers of life. The number 3 has always been considered sacred – so if your path is 3, mysticism could play a role in your life. The 3 can get caught up in negative aspects of self-expression, becoming judgmental and indulging in gossip. This Life Path tends to be more emotionally sensitive and highly empathetic, soaking up the emotions of all those around them and this can cause them to shut down. The 3s must learn the art of patience while dealing with conflict. Their greatest challenge is to remember to always shine their light and communicate their most authentic self, regardless of how it is received. Famous 3s: ellie Goulding, left, ed Sheeran 4 t h e B u i l d e r Key terms: practical, analytical, dependable The 4s create systems that make a positive impact on themselves and society as a whole – they are the builders and teachers among us. Their destiny is to achieve great success through unrelenting hard and challenging work. They shine brightest when they have a strict routine. The 4 can be inflexible, stubborn and resistant to change, believing that their way is the only way. In a 4’s mind, they always know what’s best. It is important that they learn not to project their incredibly high standards on to others and especially not to hold themselves to standards that simply are not attainable. Famous 4s: Oprah Winfrey, bill Gates, elton John 5 t h e traveller Key terms: impulsive, courageous, free-spirited Ah, the adventurous, lively and freedomseeking 5! If this is your path, expect to ride a cosmic wave of constant change and transformation throughout your * To order a copy for £6.49 unTil 30 augusT, go To whsmiTh.co.uk and enTer The code youcosmic aT The checkouT. Book numBer: 9781529107364 for Terms and condiTions go To whsmiTh co uk/Terms geT T y images reX/shuT TersTock wireimage CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 46 you.co.uK 16 augusT 2020 lifetime. The 5 is the most adaptable of all the numbers and always up for any challenge. Travel plays a huge role in their destiny. They are not meant to stay in one place – or job – for their whole life. A 5’s gift is in pushing the boundaries and showing others that it’s OK to do the same. But 5s run the risk of giving in to hedonism and can be easily distracted, juggling too many projects at once and prioritising immediate gratification above all else. They need to understand their limitations and recognise that some self-restraint is required to have a healthy relationship with freedom. famous 5s: Angelina Jolie, JK Rowling, Russell Brand 6 T h e N u rT u r e r Key Terms: responsible, motherly, feminine This is the most love-centred number, aside from Master Number 33 (see far right). These are the people who will go to the ends of the earth for those they care about. Their purpose is to learn how to strike a balance between what they give and what they receive, and between a loving home and a satisfying work life. The 6 has incredible strength and is not afraid to show it, especially when protecting loved ones. But their shadow side is that they can give too much of themselves until there’s nothing left. If you are a 6, you may struggle with perfectionism and idealism and can hold yourself to unreasonably high standards. You also have a tendency to place others on a pedestal, only to be disappointed when you learn that everyone has faults. Lean into the relationships that feel balanced and let the rest go – and remember, no one is perfect. famous 6s: Victoria Beckham, left, John Lennon 7 T h e S e e K e r Key Terms: introvert, knowledge, truth, spirituality Incredibly private, 7’s journey is often a solitary and inward one. They have an incredible gift of being able to ignore the outside world and stay focused on their mission. They want to be in control of how others see them and do not want their personal business out in the open. This can sometimes lead to them being reclusive or isolated. In order to reach their fullest potential, 7s need to learn to trust their gut feeling enough to share their vision with the world. famous 7s: Leonardo DiCaprio, Janet Jackson, Julia Roberts 8 T h e PowerhouSe Key Terms: money, power, discipline, ambition When you meet a Life Path 8, you usually know it. There is an intense energy about 8s – they go after what they want with an insatiable hunger. The 8 is incredibly ambitious and understands the power of perseverance and being goal-oriented. The Life Path 8 is the bridge between the material and spiritual world. They are here to master the art of success through money and status, but they run the risk of being overly materialistic and can lose sight of what truly matters. The 8s can also be reckless with money. Staying grounded with a strong sense of purpose will allow the 8 to have a healthy relationship with money. If you are a Life Path 8 you should try to come from a place of compassion. You are abundant and ambitious with significant power – channel this into doing good for the world. famous 8s: Jane Fonda, Harry Styles, right 9 T h e humaNiTariaN Key Terms: philanthropist, idealist, sacrifice, integrity An incredibly transformative and very powerful number, the 9 is philanthropic and driven by a desire to give back. It is not an easy path to walk, but the 9’s eagerness to help others and make the world a better place is genuine. The shadow side of 9s is that they forget themselves in their quest to be of service to others, leading to them taking on too much, which can end in burnout and being overwhelmed. This path should not carry the weight of the world on its shoulders. The 9 is also the number associated with endings and has a running theme of sacrifice. This can be an incredibly painful and challenging process. The more 9s try to hold on to things that are not the Master NuMbers 11 T h e PSyc h i c Key Terms: spiritual leader, supernatural, insightful The 11s are highly intuitive. These numbers are connected to the cosmos and have access to ancient, universal wisdom. Life Path 11 is linked with spirituality. To be an 11, you must have spent many lifetimes accruing spiritual wisdom and knowledge. famous 11s: Michelle Obama, left, Orlando Bloom 22 T h e m aS T e r B u i l d e r Key Terms: architect, power, methodical, intuitive The Life Path 22 is the most powerful number in all of numerology: here to architect an empire that will help shift humanity for the better. They are the overseers of change and destined to become experts in their chosen fields. They have the greatest capacity of all numbers to manifest their vision into reality. famous 22s: Richard Branson, Tina Fey, Paul McCartney 33 T h e eNlighTeNed N u rT u r e r Key Terms: unconditional love, kindness, visionary The ultimate care giver, 33 is love in its purest form. Accomplished healers and guides, they are here to master unconditional love for themselves then give that unconditional love to others. The 33 is the champion of the underdogs, fighting injustice and inequality wherever they see it. famous 33s: Steve Irwin, Meryl Streep These are calculated in the same way as the other life path numbers. The only time you would not reduce your final number to a single digit is if you reach 11, 22 and 33. These are the master numbers, they carry a powerful frequency that can bring about big change in the world. in alignment with their future, the more resistance they meet. The 9s must learn that sometimes holding on to attachments causes more pain than letting go. famous 9s: Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Yoko Ono You Are Cosmic Code: Essential Numerology (New Age Series) by Kaitlyn Kaerhart is published by Pop Press, price £8.99* * To order a copy for £6.49 unTil 30 augusT, go To whsmiTh.co.uk and enTer The code youcosmic aT The checkouT. Book numBer: 9781529107364. for Terms and condiTions go To whsmiTh.co.uk/Terms. geT T y images, reX/shuT TersTock, wireimage Rough CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 augusT 2020 you.co.uK 47 your very own luxury hotel Want some five-star fabulousness at home? Then take inspiration from the hottest boutique getaways compiled by charlot te page make an entrance Steal the luxe touch of a hotel lobby with lush ferns and chic seating Umbrella stand, £187, amara.com Coat stand, £51.99, wayfair.co.uk Planter, £135.99, trouva.com Console table, £395, frenchconnection.com Shelf, £53, en.smallable.com Palm (160cm-170cm), £90 (without pot), patchplants.com Mirror, £1,200, amara.com Light switch, £40, busterandpunch.com Love seat, £625, oliverbonas.com Wall light, £295, luxdeco.com Pendant light, £325, matchimatchi.com interiors Tile, £4, bertandmay.com CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 48 you.co.uk 16 AuguST 2020 make greenery your go-to for a cool , e xotic vibe . re al looks gre at but faux is just as lush – and a lot l es s maintenance mee t, g ree t, rel a x or entertain with plent y of well-pl aced lighting op tions to cre ate the right ambience for a high-end bu t lived -in lo o k , opt for mismatched fu rn it ur e in sim il ar shapes bu t different colours and te x t ures indian stunner: the cosy yet sumptuous lobby of soho house mumbai; sohohouse.com Rough CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK book a table... Bring fine dining home with sleek tableware and standout details Cake stand, £315, artemest.com Candle holders, around £20 each, anna-nina.nl Vase, £29.99, zarahome.com Dining chair, £145, rockettstgeorge.co.uk Cutlery, £195 for set of 16, nordicnest.com Wine glasses, £50 for two, lsa-international.com Table, £565, barkerandstonehouse.co.uk Wall light, £280, monologuelondon.com Mirror (99cm x 28cm), £179, connox.co.uk Tile, £40.80 per sq m, mandarinstone.com Plate, £14, notanotherbill.com Glass, £42, summerillandbishop.com at yours CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Rough 50 you.co.uk 16 August 2020 be bold – Pat terned tiles will give your floor in stant Personality – for e x tra oomPh, mix and match designs want to uP the gr and fac tor? a tall mirror will dr aw the e ye uPward, giving your dining are a a sense of sPaciousnes s think Pared -back but Punchy – here the green gl assware and red se ating re ally PoP against the white wood and marble state-of-the-art dining at venice’s il Palazzo exPerimental hotel; PalazzoexPerimental.com Rough CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Add dr AmA with An oversized he AdboArd. Go for stAtement shApes in bold colours or pAt terns quilts, throws And cushions in silk, sAtin or ve lve t will ens ure bedtime feels luxurious. up the chic by keepinG fA br ic s in A simil Ar colour pAle t te nothinG nAil s hotel wow l ike A te x tured wAll – ruGs, swAthes of fA br ic or wood pAnellinG Are All s uitAbly fA bulous A niGht At wAshinGton dc’s riGGs hotel, set inside A former bAnk, will leAve you feelinG A million dollArs; riGGsdc.com CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK Luxe up the bedro Create your own boutique suite with sumptuous touches and dramatic flourishe oom es Cushion, £35, made.com Double bedding bundle, £99, bedfolk.com Lamp, £340, thetrove.co.uk Mirror, £125, huhstore.com Headboard, from £1,200, kdloves.com Blanket, £69, arket.com Table lamp, £135, twentytwentyone.com Cushion, £25, habitat.co.uk Rug (140cm x 200cm), £89, made.com Pair of unframed prints (41cm x 51cm), £119, 55max.com Carafe, £280, matchesfashion.com Glass, £190 for two, matchesfashion.com Side table, £145, laredoute.co.uk CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 August 2020 you.co.uk 53 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 j s r s b s r e d u c e d m a r l o w e z e v b r a e n e w z e a l a n d c h a d b m s i k t d e c r e p i t n a s s e r l e i i m d h a l f a l o a f i s r l a l t a b e t t e r e l e p h a n t s e c d a x t h a n i n a b s e n t i a o n c y i o o h o l i d a y h e i n o u s t s l r e s TO ENTER Complete the crossword and count how many times the letter ‘A’ appears in the grid. Text YOU followed by a space, your answer (the number of ‘A’s) and name to 65700, eg, YOU 9 Sue Smith. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network rate. Or telephone 0905 652 2141 and leave your answer and details. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network access charge. Or post your entry to YOU Crossword No 1,711, PO Box 3451, Norwich NR7 7NR. Entries will be accepted until 11.59pm on Friday 21 August. One random winner from all correct entries will win £250 and five runners-up will win £50 each. If you enter after the closing date you will not be included but may still be charged. Phone and text helpline: 0330 100 0601. Winners will be notified by phone within 14 days. Solution in two weeks. across 6 Thin transparent serous membrane enveloping the lungs and lining the walls of the thoracic cavity (6) 8 Deep fissure, eg, in the ice of a glacier (8) 10 Sort of music produced by new bands working with small record companies (5) 11 Sort of (2,1,3) 12 Serene (4) 13 British TV quiz show in which contestants must come up with the most obscure (correct) answers to questions (9) 15 Annual event at Henley (7) FOR RECENT WINNERS lIST ONlY, SEND AN SAE TO YOU CROSSWORD, MAIl ON SUNDAY PROMOTIONS, NORTHClIFFE HOUSE, 2 DERRY STREET, lONDON W8 5TS. NO CROSSWORD ENTRIES TO THIS ADDRESS name........................................................................................................... aDDReSS...................................................................................................... ....................................................................................................................... Tel................................................................................................................. YouR anSweR............................................................................................ NUMBER 1,711 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 10 26 which Ben Kingsley won an Oscar (6) 3 Admits, acknowledges (7) 4 Disease caused by a thiamine deficiency (8) 5 See 17 across 7 Beyond criticism, blameless (13) 17 (and 5 down) 1, 14 down’s co-presenter on 13 across (7,5) 19 Sincere, deep, earnest (9) 22 Minute amount (4) 23 Worldwide (6) 24 In ______: how people participate in 13 across (5) 25 In insects, a pair of long slender jointed structures on the head which act as feelers (8) 26 People who are skilled at making things with stone (6) down 1 (and 14 down) The presenter of 13 across (9,9) 2 1982 film for 9 Doctors who put patients to sleep before operations (13) 14 See 1 down 16 Country that used to be known as Siam (8) 18 Ceased (7) 20 Mystery (6) 21 Colloquial language (5) solution to no 1,709 crossword & horoscopes £ 5 00 TO BE WO N H N O 1 ,7 1 1 yO u r s Ta rs H sa l ly BrO m p TO N To discover more abouT yourself, visiT sallybrompTon.com *FOR A FUllER WEEKlY FORECAST, CAll THE NUMBER NExT TO YOUR STAR SIgN ABOVE. CAllS COST 65P PER MINUTE PlUS YOUR TElEPHONE COMPANY’S NETWORK ACCESS CHARgE AND WIll lAST NO lONgER THAN 6 MINUTES. SP: DMg MOBIlE & TV. HElPlINE: 0330 100 0601. liVE PsYcHic rEadinGs crediT card bookings Call Freephone 0800 063 1707 to simply book your reading using your debit or credit card. Our friendly advisers are on hand Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm to help you choose your reader, length of call and appointment time. psychic on your phone Call 0906 344 6821 (£1.50 per min plus your phone company’s network access charge) for a one-to-one live reading with one of our gifted psychics. THIS SERVICE IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONlY AND IS REgUlATED BY PHONEPAYPlUS. YOU MUST BE 18+. CAllS COST £1.50 PER MINUTE PlUS YOUR TElEPHONE COMPANY’S NETWORK ACCESS CHARgE. CAllS ARE RECORDED FOR YOUR PROTECTION. MAxIMUM DURATION FOR 0906 CAllS IS 19 MINUTES. SERVICE AVAIlABlE 8AM-1AM SEVEN DAYS A WEEK. BOOKINg lINE OPEN 9AM-5.30PM MON-FRI. AVAIlABlE IN THE UK ONlY. CUSTOMER SERVICE 0333 202 3392 (9AM-5PM). SERVICE PROVIDER: SPOKE lTD. ariEs 21 march-20 april By tradition, Aries is the sign of the pioneer, and with your daring ruler Mars in your sign aspected by the Sun this week, an adventure is certainly on the cards. Whether it’s the kind of adventure you’re expecting is another matter, but it will be exciting. call 0904 470 1161* taurus 21 april-21 may If it is only fear holding you back, it is because Mars in Aries is making you prone to all sorts of weird and wonderful anxieties. But none of them is real and current aspects suggest that if you take a risk it could work out the way you hope, not the way you fear. call 0904 470 1162* GEmini 22 may-21 June This should be a week when, no matter what you turn your hand to, it should work out better than you expected. Even if you are not an expert you can do an expert job. But don’t let success go to your head – it may not be this easy every time. call 0904 470 1163* cancEr 22 June-23 July You have so much talent and potential but you seem to doubt that you have what it takes to succeed. Not only do you have what it takes but today’s Sun-Mars union suggests you’re unlikely to fail if you have the courage to follow your dreams. call 0904 470 1164* lEo 24 July-23 aug You have no intention of hiding your feelings, so sensitive souls had best stay out of range! With the Sun, your ruler, linked to assertive Mars you are unlikely to give anyone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes it is better to speak your mind. call 0904 470 1165* VirGo 24 aug-23 sept Virgoans don’t often get angry but when they do they do so with a vengeance. However, this may not be the right time or place to air your grievances. By looking at the problem objectively you’re more likely to reach a satisfactory agreement. call 0904 470 1166* libra 24 sept-23 oct True friends often put others’ interests first, even if it makes things harder for themselves. One such person will figure prominently this week but this time the roles will be reversed: it is they who needs help and you who can provide it. Time to repay a favour. call 0904 470 1167* scorPio 24 oct-22 nov It is time for a change. Not just any old change but complete transformation in the way you function. In a nutshell, you need freedom to express yourself, to be bigger than you are. You will get that freedom this week – just be sure you use it wisely. call 0904 470 1168* saGittarius 23 nov-21 dec Nothing is impossible to a Sagittarian. Some things are more difficult than others, of course, but few things defeat you completely. The Sun in leo aspects ambitious Mars this week which suggests that anything you set your mind to is unlikely to fail. call 0904 470 1169* caPricorn 22 dec-20 Jan You won’t lack advice this week but it’s likely to be a bit extreme. There is someone who can offer some no-nonsense common sense guidance but you won’t get it just by opening your ears. Open your mind and listen to your inner voice. call 0904 470 1170* aquarius 21 Jan-19 feb Communication must be clear and concise this week otherwise no one will know what you want and nothing will get done, regardless of your intentions. Don’t worry about saying the wrong thing – certain people aren’t as helpless as they like you to believe. call 0904 470 1171* PiscEs 20 feb-20 march With the Sun joining forces with zealous Mars you will be passionate in the extreme this week. On a professional level it means you will be determined to stay in control. Remember: no one has a heaven-sent right to take what is yours. call 0904 470 1172* CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 5 6 you.co.uk 16 AUgUST 2020 zelda west-meads y o u ’ s r e l at i o n s h i p s c o u n s e l l o r a n s w e r s yo u r p r o b l e m s QMy wife and I are in our 60s and mostly get on well. However, since she went through the menopause over a decade ago, she has changed beyond all recognition and most of our arguments have been about our sex life. It can be summed up as: she doesn’t want one and I do. The compromises we both made to try to find some middle ground sexually didn’t really satisfy either of us but at least we were trying to address the problem. Now we don’t even bother. On the infrequent occasions we had sex, it was lights out, do the deed – always in the same position – and jump off. She wouldn’t even let me touch her breasts when we were having sex. Now she won’t undress in front of me or let me see her naked. We rarely holds hands, we don’t even have a kiss on my birthday. I find her very cold emotionally and this has all begun to weigh heavily on me, dampen my joy in life and I feel as though I’m in a rut. I no longer find her sexually attractive as what’s the point? It’s like living with my sister. I don’t know where to go from here as I seem to be making all the concessions with nothing from her. She’s got everything she wants and I’ve got nothing. Before lockdown I started to become close to another woman. Should I call it a day and end my marriage? I could then ask the other woman out. This would remove any sexual pressure on my wife as well as giving me a partner who is emotionally warmer. Q My mother is 88 and in poor health. She is frail, suffers from arthritis and has difficulty getting out of a chair. The doctor thinks she might have had a small stroke a while ago and possibly has dementia. My brother and I helped to look after her with carers also coming in, but she didn’t like them. We stopped the carers visiting, but since her first hospital admission last year she has been readmitted several times for infections or falls. My mum has had a hard life. She was an illegitimate child who was fostered by an unloving family and also lived in children’s homes. She only met her mother once and never met her father. I want to help but I feel hurt when she says that I do not know what it is like to suffer like she has and that I don’t understand. aIt is terribly hard to see someone who you love so sad and in pain. However, though you and your brother are clearly loving and kind, looking after someone who is elderly and ill is very tough and you can’t do it full time. It will take its toll on you mentally and physically and this will also impact all of the other people you love. I know your mum doesn’t particularly want carers, but it doesn’t sound as if she is safe alone so you may have to insist on this. It wouldn’t be easy for her but she would get used to it and perhaps you and your brother could share looking after her some of the time but get carers in for the rest. It may be that she needs to go into a home before too long. Meanwhile, try not to be hurt by what she says. No one can ever truly understand what someone else has been through, but if she says it aggressively, remember that this is probably the dementia talking and not her. Contact alzheimers.org.uk for more information and support for you and your brother. my elderly mother refuses to have carers zelda IllUSTRaTION: MaRTIN WelCH. MOllIe MaNNINg O ur th O u g h ts ex ac t ly Seen something that makes you smile? Tell us at you.features@mailonsunday.co.uk aYou clearly can’t go on like this. You must both be miserable. Your sex life (now nonexistent) sounded totally joyless and must have been unsatisfying at best but also awful for her, having sex only out of duty. But while you have been arguing about sex, how much have you been talking about the relationship? You say that ‘she’s got everything she wants and I’ve got nothing’ but could it be that she also feels desperately sad that the emotional closeness is no longer what it was? When the sexual side falls apart, the emotional side is also lost and vice versa. Was the relationship good before the menopause or could it have been that she was already unhappy and saw it as an excuse to stop having sex? Could she have body-image issues so hates being seen naked? Talk to your wife gently and explain how unhappy you are. Tell her it’s not just the sex – it is all the emotional intimacy that goes with it and how unloved you feel without any closeness. ask her if she is unhappy too and if she will come to counselling with you (contact Relate at relate.org.uk). It might be too late – maybe love has died on both sides – but counselling is not just about saving marriages, sometimes it is about helping couples part. Just a word of caution regarding this other woman. It is understandable that you have developed feelings for someone else, but if you decide to end the marriage, do so because you are sure it is over, not for someone else, which can cloud the issue. We rarely hold hands, don’t kiss and she won’t let me see her naked If you have a problem, email Zelda at z.west-meads@you.co.uk. Zelda reads all your letters but regrets she cannot answer each one personally I want a sex life… and she doesn’t CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 16 aUgUST 2020 you.co.uk 57 lIZ JONES’S DIARY iLLUSTRATiON: Abbey LOSSiNg AT hANdSOmefRANk.cOm c a n d i d, c o n f e s s i o n a l , c o n t r o v e r s i a l ‘You should have set the bar a lot higher. You seem to have all the qualities a man could want. I don’t get it.’ That was a text from P, the new one, referencing the way I’ve been treated by men. And although I can veer wildly between thinking I’m a complete and utter cadaverous failure, and believing deep down that I’m special, I think he might have a point. (I am currently growing my hair long, lunging from considering I resemble Meghan Markle to Michael Jackson during his long trial.) Everyone who has been in my orbit – family, employees, colleagues, friends, boyfriends, fiancés, husbands – I have treated with respect and generosity (at least initially until, like past-its-sell-by-date cream, I turn). I took men to Calvin Klein catwalk shows in New York, to a secret gig at Abbey Road Studios, to Marrakech. (Never, ever sign up to a naked hammam with a man. Ever. I still get flashbacks of the sight of him in a paper thong and shower cap.) To meet a member of Pink Floyd. To meet Donald Trump, Emma Willis and Nigel Farage (not all at once). To party with Ricky Martin and Giorgio Armani. On holiday with Blur. To the Dior couture show in Paris. When Trevor, he of the high-waisted trousers, dumped me for a stylist, my parting shot was… buying him a mixing deck and turntables from a very expensive shop in Camden! And I’m still doing it, if in a small way. I have just been contacted by a wonderful charity called Wild at Heart Foundation. It raises funds for small dog rehoming charities (the charities are small, not the dogs – some are huge!). It’s through them that I got Missy. I was sent to super shiny from too many trips to the dry cleaner. I gave my Alexander McQueen military trouser suit worn to meet the Obamas to my friend Helen at Christmas: she’s a huge fan of the label. My one Prada bag – a gift from the designer – is scuffed from 20 years of use. As editor, I got the large tote. My fashion editor got a smaller bowling bag and the fashion assistant a wallet. I have three pairs of shoes I’ve not sold on Ebay: soles worn as thin as, well, me. The only good dress I have is the long Dries Van Noten slip with gold embellishment David bought me a couple of years ago*. I might need that for a future awards ceremony**. I have a Stella McCartney T-shirt with embellished collar; problem is, the collar attacks me every time I struggle into it, entangling my hair and sending me into a rage. I wish fashion designers made larger openings. I doubt Nikki Tibbles wants that. OK, so. The Dries it is. Just don’t tell David… *Plus one Brownie point. Although minus one Brownie point as it’s two sizes too big. **Who am I kidding? I’ve been shortlisted as Newspaper Columnist of the Year six times, rocked up to the awards ceremony having hired a make-up artist and not won once. I blame the Russians. The Fashion Rehomed online designer and vintage sale in aid of Wild at Heart Foundation runs from 28 August until 14 September. Visit wildatheartfoundation.org/events/ fashion-rehomed for more details Contact Liz at LizJonesGoddess.com and stalk her @LizJonesGoddess In which I reassess my life (again) interview the founder, Nikki Tibbles, and while she was being made up for the photos, I was scrolling her website and came across a collie who had been in an outside kennel since her rescue from being abandoned on a farm in Ireland as a puppy. A few weeks later, I drove to pick her up. It took a year for her to bark, and 18 months before she would wag her tail. Even now, she wags all wrong: she pumps it up and down. But her fur is like silk and she is the most loving dog I’ve ever known: she is Velcroed to my side every night. The reason the charity has got in touch again is to ask if I have anything ‘designer’ to donate to an auction. Hmm. Let’s look in my wardrobe, shall we? I have my black Prada skirt suit bought when an editor. Nah. It’s I veer between thinking I’m an utter failure and believing I’m special YoU is published by associated newspapers ltd, northcliffe House, 2 derry street, london W8 5ts, and printed by Prinovis UK ltd, liverpool international Business Park, 4 dakota drive, liverpool l24 8rJ. colour transparencies or any other materials submitted are sent at the owner’s risk. © copyright associated newspapers ltd 2020 Please recYcle our newspapers, magazines and polythene wrapping are 100% recyclable ★ l i s t e n to l i Z J o n e s ’s Po D C As t ! ★ Join liz as she dissects her weekly YoU diary, delves into the archives and screams, ‘Why did i write that?!’ find it now at mailplus.co.uk/lizjones, itunes and spotify. CYANMAGENTAYELLOWBLACK 5 8 YoU.co.UK 16 AUgUST 2020](https://d2qpatdq99d39w.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/07160338/Sabrina-Ghayour-pizzettes-100x70.jpg "Sabrina Ghayour’s mozzarella, olive and za’atar pizzettes")
